


The SM Dungeon™

by elksneedshelp, NightSky121



Category: EXO (Band), NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Sexual References, Swearing, another crackfic, cursing, may offend, references to IP chatfic, what even is going on lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-06-05 00:21:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15158372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elksneedshelp/pseuds/elksneedshelp, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightSky121/pseuds/NightSky121
Summary: Maknae:this is not where i saw myself when i was 5Maknae:i thought i’d know normal peopleMaknae:i was wrongMother:we’re as normal as you’re going to getKungfuPanda:i beg to differMother:then beg





	1. Someone Save Us

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> For those who don't know, this is a text fic that takes place in the same timeline as our Idol Producer one :) There will be some references to that fic in this one, and, like that fic, this contains some crude language (i.e. swearing) and some sexual references, so if these make you uncomfortable, or you don't like these, please don't read. Thank you, and we hope you'll enjoy this fic :)

**[OT12 We Are One]**

 

 **Deer:** you know, i’ve been thinking

 

 **BaoZi:** why would you dig this group chat out from the dead

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** you’ve already left us

 

 **Yehet:** I’m happy you’re back

 

 **Deer:** as I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted

 

 **Deer:** I believe it’s time to put our past differences behind us

 

 **Yehet:** For the last time, hyung

 

 **Yehet:** We don’t blame you for leaving

 

 **Deer:** GUYS I MEANT WE SHOULD INVITE NCT TO THIS CHAT AND TEACH THEM THE WAYS OF THE WORLD

 

 **Mother:** THEY’RE CHILDREN

 

 **Deer:** too late

 

_Deer has added WongYukhei, Chenluh, Renjun, LockedInTheDungeon, DongSiCheng, Taeyong, Ten, NakamotoYuta, ChicagoBOI, MoonTaeil, Doyoung, Jaehyun, Jungwoo, Mark, Jeno, Haechan, Jaemin and Maknae to OT12 We Are One_

 

 **Deer:** you guys have some seriously boring usernames

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** and this looks like a seriously dead chat

 

 **BaoZi:** THANK YOU

 

 **BaoZi:** SOMEONE AGREES THAT THIS PLACE IS DEAD

 

_BaoZi has renamed the chat_

_The chat is now called SM Fam_

 

 **BaoZi:** that’s better

 

 **NotMyStyle:** what’s happening

 

 **Deer:** YOU’RE BACK

 

 **NotMyStyle:** wow it’s been like what how many years

 

 **Mother:** HOW DARE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE WITH TEN KIDS

 

 **KungfuPanda:** SUHO MY MOTHER

 

 **Kkaebsong:** NICE TO SEE YOU GUYS AGAIN

 

 **Chanyeol:** EVERYBODY I’M SO HAPPY AHHHHHHHHHH

 

 **SexyDancer:** welcome back

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** How dare you leave us.

 

 **Yehet:** this place came back to life hella fast

 

 **Yehet:** Times like this call for one word: YEHET

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** FUCK MY EXISTENCE SOMEONE PLEASE BLEACH MY EYES

 

 **Mother:** No…

 

 **Mother:** ZHANG YIXING LANGUAGE

 

 **BaoZi:** what happened to YOU

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** I REGRET AGREEING TO DO THIS STUPID SHOW FUCKING LI QUANZHE I HOPE HE DIES IN A HOLE HSJADSGHK’JFAL

 

 **Deer:** okay, with no context that sounds really, really strange

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** [ _Sent a photo_ ]

 

 **BaoZi:** why are some parts blurred out

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** ...

 

 **KungfuPanda:** what the actual fuck is that

 

 **NotMyStyle:** okay

 

 **NotMyStyle:** NO

 

 **NotMyStyle:** MY EYES

 

 **Deer:** KILL ME

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** oh

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** OH

 

 **Renjun:** IS THIS THE REAL WORLD

 

 **DongSiCheng:** OH MY DUCKING WORLD

 

 **WongYukhei:** WHAT IS THIS

 

 **Chenluh:** I’M A FETUS I DON’T DESERVE THIS

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** And the thing is I didn’t get the worst of it. SOME POOR SOUL SAW THIS IN PERSON

 

 **Taeyong:** I am actually so confused

 

 **MoonTaeil:** someone explain please

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** please I can’t read Chinese

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** actually welp

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** i get the gist of it

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** KANJI

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** NO NO NO NO

 

 **Jeno:** stop hogging hyung what could be so bad

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** I CRIED IT IS THAT BAD I LIVE WITHIN A KM OF THAT TWISTED CHILD

 

 **Mother:** shhh be calm

 

 **Mother:** is this what caused you to call me at 3am crying on wednesday

 

 **Mother:** it’s okay my bby

 

 **Yehet:** LUHAN YOU’RE BACK

 

 **Chanyeol:** I’M SO SO HAPPY I COULD FLY

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** AS HAPPY AS WE ARE WITH LUHAN’S RETURN CAN WE PLEASE DEAL WITH THE MUCH BIGGER PROBLEM AT HAND

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** Good luck with that.

 

 **SexyDancer:** welcome back bros

 

 **KungfuPanda:** MOTHER COMFORT ME

 

 **Mother:** TAO MY SWEET BABY

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** to those who don’t understand: the most affected victim was a guy called Ding Zeren

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** …

 

 **MoonTaeil:** …

 

 **Jeno:** …

 

 **Haechan:** …

 

 **Doyoung:** …

 

 **Jaehyun:** …

 

 **Jungwoo:** …

 

 **DongSiCheng:** …

 

 **Taeyong:** …

 

 **Maknae:** …

 

 **Renjun:** …

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** …

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** …

 

 **WongYukhei:** ...

 

 **Ten:** …

 

 **Mark:** …

 

 **Jaemin:** ...

 

 **Chenluh:** who’s that

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** ZEREN MY BOY

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** awww zeren  <3

 

 **Kkaebsong:** welp is that the trainee who is on idol producer

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** WHAT HAPPENED TO ZEREN

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** THAT EOEO DANCE

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** yeah he sent us a vid on the OT9 group chat

 

 **NotMyStyle:** …

 

 **Deer:** betrayed

 

 **KungfuPanda:** my fragile heart

 

 **Yehet:** you left the group wtf you complaining about

 

 **Mother:** no matter how angry we are, it was their choice

 

 **Mother:** BUT KRIS YOU BETTER COME BACK TO ME

 

 **Mother:** I CAN’T CONTROL THESE KIDS

 

 **Jeno:** okay back to zeren what happened to the fried chicken boy

 

 **Mark:** HE CHANGED

 

 **Renjun:** wowowowow

 

 **Doyoung:** how about we add him and hansol to this chat

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** DON’T YOU DARE ADD DING ZEREN TO THIS CHAT I CANNOT HANDLE THOSE KIDS

 

 **Renjun:** I’m not listening

 

_Renjun has added kungpaochickending and Hansol to SM Fam_

 

 **Mark:** ZZZZZEEEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

 

 **kungpaochickending:** why am I here, what is this place, why is mark screaming at me I have so many questions

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** RENJUN WHY I TRUSTED YOU NCT KIDS AND NOW YOU’VE DONE THIS

 

 **kungpaochickending:** wAIT PD IS HERE WHAT

 

 **Hansol:** woo I’m back

 

 **kungpaochickending:** lol

 

 **Hansol:** wat

 

 **kungpaochickending:** XD

 

 **Jeno:** we missed youuuuuuuuuuuu

 

 **Jaehyun:** why did you leave

 

 **Deer:** need he say why??

 

 **Jaehyun:** LUHAN SUNBAENIM

 

 **NotMyStyle:** yeah agreed

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** KRIS WU

 

 **KungfuPanda:** don’t i get anything :(

 

 **Mother:** darling tao you have me

 

 **KungfuPanda:** I don’t want you

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** ouch that stings doesn’t it suho your son doesn’t want you

 

 **Mother:** I hate you

 

 **kungpaochickending:** alright so I scrolled through the chat and i would like to ask

 

 **kungpaochickending:** PD WHY IS THE LETTER HERE WTF HOW DID YOU GET THAT DID MC JIN BETRAY US WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS ALL OF A SUDDEN????

 

 **HealingUnicorn:**...shush

 

 **DongSiCheng:** we all missed you so much zeren

 

 **Hansol:** et moi?

 

 **Mark:** what is up with the french and yes we miss you too

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** we miss you a lot

 

 **Ten:** you both left us

 

 **BaoZi:** yes yes children

 

 **Chenluh:** am i the only confused one

 

 **Chenluh:** sunbaenims hyungs jisung

 

 **Chenluh:** pls I confused

 

 **Mother:** someone protect him I officially adopt you as my child

 

 **Mother:** Kris you better come back and meet your new son

 

 **NotMyStyle:** wtf you can’t just adopt people

 

 **Mother:** WHAT IF HE HEARS HE IS ADOPTED YOU’RE A TERRIBLE FATHER

 

 **Taeyong:** but he's already got parents

 

 **Mother:** WE LOVE ALL OUR CHILDREN EQUALLY WITHOUT DISCRIMINATION

 

 **BaoZi:** should someone tell him that?

 

 **KungfuPanda:** nah

 

 **kungpaochickending:** you guys are evil aren’t you

 

 **KungfuPanda:** what no I’m soft and kind and lovable

 

 **kungpaochickending:** okay then

 

 **Chenluh:** I am so confused what

 

 **Jeno:** what is going on

 

 **KungfuPanda:** honestly it’s a wonder we got anything done as EXO

 

 **Yehet:** oh yeah Luhan

 

 **Yehet:** I HEARD YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND

 

 **Deer:** ???

 

 **Deer:** oh yeah

 

 **Deer:** Um well

 

 **Deer:** babe

 

 **Yehet:** DONE

 

_Yehet is now Betrayed_

 

 **Betrayed:** I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU

 

 **Mother:** KIDS STOP

 

 **Mother:** NCT NICE TO SEE YOU BUT PLEASE LEAVE

 

 **Chanyeol:** listen kids

 

 **Kkaebsong:** we are a mess

 

 **Renjun:** noticed

 

 **SexyDancer:** shouldn’t you respect your sunbaenims????

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** anyway

 

 **Ten:** watching your dance video and you’ve got that balance

 

 **Mother:** I SEE YOU WERE BULLYING CHILDREN ZHANG YIXING

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** I WAS ADVISING THEM I WOULD NEVER BULLY CHILDREN

 

 **NotMyStyle:** i see you know xiao gui

 

 **Deer:** oh you know jackson too

 

 **KungfuPanda:** you all know each other

 

 **KungfuPanda:** EXCEPT ME

 

 **Betrayed:** stop whining

 

 **SexyDancer:** ^^

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** Shut up.

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** you’ll get your chance Tao

 

 **Ten:** I’m still confused as to why we’re here


	2. EXO is a mess (as usual)

**Deer:** so am I forgiven yet?

 

 **Betrayed:** …

 

 **Betrayed:** nope

 

 **KungfuPanda:** rip sehun

 

 **Betrayed:** don’t think i’m done with you either for leaving

 

 **Betrayed:** and why are you even here after leaving

 

 **KungfuPanda:** well luhan brought this chat back from the afterlife

 

 **SexyDancer:** so much has happened since you left

 

 **KungfuPanda:** well I can see that

 

 **Betrayed:** I can never forgive you

 

 **Betrayed:** GO

 

 **Deer:** rude

 

 **KungfuPanda:** doesn’t matter since we’re gone anyway you know why we left

 

 **Betrayed:** …

 

 **SexyDancer:** anyway

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** NCT children. Leave now.

 

 **Taeyong:** who’s the so-called ‘Mother’?

 

 **Mother:** Lee Taeyong right

 

 **Mother:** IT IS I, KIM JUNMYEON, MOTHER OF EXO

 

 **Mother:** oops that wasn’t supposed to be in all caps

 

 **Mother:** BUT ANYWAY

 

 **Mother:** SO WHAT?!?! I’M A MOTHER FIGHT ME 

 

 **Taeyong:** I’m NCT’s mother I’m a REAL mother

 

 **Mother:** a kid like you?

 

 **Taeyong:** please

 

 **Taeyong:** i’m a mother

 

 **Taeyong:** of like sixteen kids

 

 **Mother:** you missed one out BAD PARENT

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** well I’m the other parent

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** Taeyong isn’t a single parent like you

 

 **Doyoung:** don’t i count as a parent

 

 **Jaemin:** nah

 

 **Jeno:** more like an overbearing aunt

 

 **Maknae:** HAHA

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** we aren’t together, don’t overthink anything

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** it’s nice to have someone when the dreamies are trying to kill me

 

 **Chenluh:** KUN GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 

 **Renjun:** COME BACK TO USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** see

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** hahahahahahahahaahHAHAHAHAHA

 

 **DongSiCheng:** hold back a little hyung

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** I WILL

 

 **Doyoung:** Yuta is WHIPPED for Winwin

 

 **MoonTaeil:** calm down nakamoto yuta

 

 **Mark:** lmao like you arent

 

 **Taeyong:** be careful with my son

 

 **Maknae:** he’s like not your son though

 

 **Taeyong:** do i look like i care???   


**Jaehyun:** calm down eomma

 

 **Jeno:** but what we really need to figure out is if we have two mothers or a mother and a father or two fathers or maybe three mothers *gasps* or two mothers and one father or two fathers and one mother oml

 

 **Jaemin:** one mother for sure

 

 **Chenluh:** kun eomma

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** IT’S APPA

 

 **Chenluh:** eomma

 

 **Chenluh:** anyway so taeyong’s mum kun’s mum winwin’s my brother yuta’s my brother in law renjun’s my brother lucas is my brother  the rest of you are just aunts and uncles and cousins and random people

 

 **Taeyong:** how am i your mother

 

 **Chenluh:** rude

 

 **Taeyong:** no just curious

 

 **Chenluh:** well

 

 **Chenluh:** you’re basically dolphin 2.0

 

 **Chenluh:** have you heard yourself scream

 

 **Taeyong:** …

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** kids are awkward he idolises you taeyong don’t take it the wrong way

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** WAIT WHAT

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** HOW AM I YOUR BROTHER IN LAW

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** EXPLAIN DOLPHIN BOY 

 

 **DongSiCheng:** calm down yuta

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** OKAY

 

 **Mark:** lol

 

 **Mark:** yuta hyung is WHIPPED for winwin

 

 **Doyoung:** Can you all just shut up for a second and don’t copy me

 

 **Mark:** FIGHt Me HyUNg

 

 **Doyoung:** Are you high or something?

 

 **Doyoung:** I think you’re high on drugs

 

 **Doyoung:** nope you’re high on sugar

 

 **Mark:** BITCH

 

 **Deer:** ANYWAY

 

 **Deer:** It’s time you learnt about the way of the world children innocent

 

 **SexyDancer:** weirdo

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** I appreciate this and all but Luhan YOU LEFT DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO COME BACK

 

 **KungfuPanda:** he brought this chat back from the dead so i guess we’re stuck here now

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** eyyy tao my man

 

 **Chenluh:** is he the one you went through an emo phase with

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** chenle

 

 **Mark:** are you johNNy’s staLKeR

 

 **Betrayed:** calm down y’all

 

 **Doyoung:** Also I qualify for a parent, don’t I? Don’t forget to acknowledge me

 

 **Renjun:** EW No

 

 **Maknae:** agreed

 

 **Deer:** Well now that we’ve talked a lot

 

 **Deer:** CHILDREN

 

 **KungfuPanda:** they’re not really except for a few of them but continue

 

 **Betrayed:** I guess you care more about them than you do about me

 

**Deer …**

 

 **Betrayed:** well bitch lemme break it to you: I moved on I don’t need you anymore

 

 **Taeyong:** I never thought i would see a love triangle more intense than yuwinil

 

 **Doyoung:** sh

 

 **Maknae:** norenmin is a soft love triangle but still very intense

 

 **Jungwoo:** shhhhhh i’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate you talking about their private lives

 

 **Renjun:** Did anyone say anything

 

 **Jungwoo:** sugar honey ice tea

 

 **Ten:** jungwoo

 

 **Maknae:** I’m the youngest one here and can i say asgdfhgdkj

 

 **Taeyong:** SAVED

 

 **Deer:** taeyong he’s a teenager not a baby

 

 **BaoZi:** can we let this chat rest in peace

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** yeah please

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** then stop talking

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** you’re talking too

 

 **SexyDancer:** stop

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** Every fucking person in this chat, shut up

 

 **Deer:** includes you, kyungie

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** What did you call me?

 

 **Deer:** Kyungie …!

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** Luhan I’m going to swim to China and murder you

 

 **Deer:** Whatever you want, kyungie  <3

 

 **Chenluh:** I aspire to be this fearless someday

 

 **Mother:** calm down kyungsoo

 

 **Renjun:** Kyungie sunbaenim

 

 **Taeyong:** huang renjun

 

 **Jaemin:** Yongieeeeee

 

 **Taeyong:** …

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** …

 

 **Mother:** looks like you didn’t raise your children very well hm

 

 **Taeyong:** can’t say much better for you

 

 **NotMyStyle:** everybody please stop talking

 

 **BaoZi:** then why are you talking lol

 

 **SexyDancer:** bruh

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** you’re all making it worse

 

 **Chenluh:** says you

 

 **Deer:** everyone just accept it

 

 **Deer:** I dragged you here and now you’re going to pay the consequences

 

 **Maknae:** but that doesn’t make sense

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** that’s not fair

 

 **Deer:** life isn’t fair

 

 **NotMyStyle:** you can say that again

 

 **WongYukhei:** everything has a happy ending find the joy in life peeps focus on the good not the bad yolo

 

 **Kkaebsong:** amen brother

 

 **Chanyeol:** i love your positivity

 

 **Kkaebsong;** you’re not a little shit like the others

 

 **Jungwoo:** he’s so nice isn’t he

 

 **Jeno:** i’m almost soft

 

 **Jaemin:** But we remember

 

 **Maknae:** THE CREEPINESS OF WONG YUKHEI

 

 **Renjun:** uwu  <3

 

 **Chenluh:** don’t you dare do that we remember the little fucking shit you are

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** ZHONG CHENLE LANGUAGE

 

 **Deer:** you’re all so protective but he’s sixteen not six

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** i’m so proud of you chenle

 

 **Doyoung:** welcome chenle to our group of sharp-tongued people

 

 **Mother:** and here i was, thinking you were an innocent child who needed protecting

 

 **Maknae:** i’m an innocent child who needs protecting ≧◡≦

 

 **Maknae:** uwu

 

 **Mark:** did you just … uwu … at yourself

 

 **Haechan:** *shivers*

 

 **WongYukhei:** the only one who can uwu at themselves in jungwoo

 

 **WongYukhei:** and maybe sicheng ge

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** definitely winwinie

 

 **Taeyong:** ZHONG CHENLE GET OVER HERE RIGHT NOW

 

 **Maknae:** only a little late there hyung

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** chenle i’m so disappointed in you

 

 **Haechan:** *whispers* found the parents

 

 **Chanyeol:** ahh i found my soulmate

 

 **Kkaebsong:** ?!?!?!

 

 **Chanyeol:** hiding behind that innocent face is ….

 

 **DongSiCheng:** a child

 

 **Renjun:** a rich bitch

 

 **Jaemin:** an idiot?

 

 **Ten:** the devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally the holidays so that means this book is going to be published at mostly the same rate because there's only one of us who stays home to waste their lives away when they really should be going on holiday. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic and what we have planned for these unsuspecting children stuck in the SM dungeon.


	3. NCT (Nightmare Children + Taeyong)

**DongSiCheng:** turns out this chat wasn’t just a nightmare after all

 

**MoonTaeil:** it’s okay we’re all in this together

 

**KungfuPanda:** this chat is hell. HELL I TELL YOU.

 

**Taeyong:** what did you even talk about before all of this happened

 

**SexyDancer:** stuff

 

**DoKyungsoo:** our schedules

 

**HealingUnicorn:** our life

 

**CamelDinosaur:** how much we hate each other

 

**kungpaochickending:** pd why is your username different here 

 

**HealingUnicorn:** nah i have two separate accounts

 

**HealingUnicorn:** one for that hell and one for this hell

 

**kungpaochickending:** you aren’t even in our group chat though you can’t say you know that hell

 

**Hansol:** i feel … like an outsider

 

**HealingUnicorn:** and you aren’t part of the mentors group chat now are you -.-

 

**Mother:** YIXING STOP BULLYING CHILDREN

 

**HealingUnicorn:** for the last time I don’t bully children, I give them aggressive advice

 

**kungpaochickending:** which is basically bullying

 

**HealingUnicorn:** i stg 

 

**CamelDinosaur:** ?????

 

**NakamotoYuta:** i never thought EXO was this close to insanity

 

**Mother:** BITCH YOU TRY TAKING CARE OF 11 GROWN ASS MEN WEARING EYELINER 

 

**Chanyeol:** o h  s h i t

 

**KungfuPanda:** some prepubescent ass is about to be kicked by an angry mother hen 

 

**Mother:** NAKAMOTO YUTA I WILL RIP YOUR BRAIN OUT OF YOUR FUCKING ASS

 

**NakamotoYuta:** well

 

**Ten:** I did not leave thailand for this shit

 

**NakamotoYuta:** THE HELL YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT I’M THE ONE WHO IS ABOUT TO BE DESTROYED BY A FUCKING GREMLIN

 

**Ten:** because I’m smart and didn’t mention that EXO is fucking insane

 

**Chanyeol:** jesus christ 

 

**KungfuPanda:** they never learn

 

**Mother:** WITH BOTH YOUR BODIES I’LL BE ABLE TO SUSTAIN MY CHILDREN FOR A WEEK

 

**HealingUnicorn:** and I’m the one being accused of bullying children

 

**Mother:** YIXING I STG YOU ARE NOT GOING THROUGH YOUR REBELLIOUS PHASE NOW NOT ON MY WATCH

 

**kungpaochickending:** i am so glad i crawled out of the sm dungeon when i did

 

**Hansol:** same kid, same

 

**Hansol:** but I was so close

 

**Hansol:** thankfully i escaped, but I nearly was trapped in there

 

**DongSiCheng:** please tell me sehun hyung my idol that you are normal at least

 

**Betrayed:** yehet

 

**DongSiCheng:** *sigh*

 

**Betrayed:** ohorat?

 

**DongSiCheng:** never mind

 

**Jungwoo:** can you stop talking please you’re scaring me

 

**WongYukhei:** protect this pure baby someone

 

**Jeno:** can someone delete this chat

 

**Deer:** NCT children you are starting to see the world

 

**Renjun:** if this is the world then i’m running the fuck away to mars

 

**DoKyungsoo:** if the next generation of SM artists are like these kids then I’m going to Neptune

 

**Doyoung:** good because then we’ll never see you again

 

**KungfuPanda:** ?!?!?!

 

**NotMyStyle:** that’s why we left

 

**Deer:** you sure about that -_-

 

**KungfuPanda:** -_- seconded

 

**MoonTaeil:** stoppppppppppppppppp please (⌯˃̶᷄ ﹏ ˂̶᷄⌯)

 

**Jaemin:** ew stop trying to be cute

 

**Renjun:** you’re too old for that

 

**kungpaochickending:** why do i have sudden qin fen flashbacks

 

**Hansol:** who???

 

**NakamotoYuta:** one of the people he left us for

 

**kungpaochickending:** shut up yuta qin fen is one of the trainees on idol producer who’s older than pd

 

**Kkaebsong:** why do you keep calling lay pd

 

**kungpaochickending:** coz he’s our pd and i understand the idea of respect

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:** and how do the two kids remind you of this qin fen guy

 

**kungpaochickending:** not them

 

**kungpaochickending:** taeil

 

**MoonTaeil:** how

 

**kungpaochickending:** you’re both old

 

**MoonTaeil:** i’m younger than all of exo

 

**kungpaochickending:** by two months

 

**MoonTaeil:** 0_0 are you my stalker

 

**kungpaochickending:** no

 

**kungpaochickending:** you’re just old

 

**MoonTaeil:** i came out here to have a good time and i honestly feel so attacked right now

 

**BaoZi:** how do you think I feel. I’M MEANT TO BE THE ADULT OF THIS CHATROOM

 

**Mother:** you? An adult? Ha no.

 

**BaoZi:** i don’t deserve the disrespect

 

**Deer:** i assure you, you do. 

 

**BaoZi:** WE ARE BORN IN THE SAME YEAR

 

**Deer:** hush

 

**DoKyungsoo:** you lot need to c h i l l

 

**kungpaochickending:** i found the huba of SM

 

**DoKyungsoo:** the who what now

 

**HealingUnicorn:** ding zeren you better keep your mouth shut i do not need to be reminded of the other trainees in this slightly less hellish hell

 

**kungpaochickending:** no you deserve this for not making the dorms sound proof. FAN CHENGCHENG AND JUSTIN ARE SO DAMN LOUD 

 

**Mother:** YIXING ARE YOU LETTING THE CHILDREN HAVE AN ORGY OR SOMETHING

 

**HealingUnicorn:** DEAR GOD NO WHY WOULD I EVER

 

**Ten:** sounds kind of strange coming from someone who fucks their own mother

 

**Hansol:** did you just - 

 

**Mother:** Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul

 

**WongYukhei:**   H o  l y   s h i    t

 

**Betrayed:** RUN TEN RUN

 

**NotMyStyle:** is this what’s been going on since i left

 

**Mother:** KRIS

 

**Ten:** and here i thought y’all were asdfghjkl;’

 

**ChicagoBOI:** don’t say no more hun

 

**Taeyong:** let’s peacefully start from the beginning again

 

**Taeyong:** Hi, I’m Taeyong!

 

**DoKyungsoo:** no

 

**Maknae:** OH DADDY

 

**SexyDancer:** i’m concerned for your children

 

**CamelDinosaur:** yeah… me too

 

**Hansol:** lucky us zeren

 

**kungpaochickending:** lucky you hansol

 

**kungpaochickending:** okay can someone come save ME I CAN’T DEAL WITH ALL THIS FUCKING

 

**Taeyong:** LANGUAGE

 

**Maknae:** we’re not babies

 

**Maknae:** i mean i know oh daddy

 

**ChicagoBOI:** jisung

 

**kungpaochickending:** oh yeah i just realised i’m probably gonna give a whole lotta IP spoilers so yeah don’t sell them to people folks

 

**Chenluh:** thanks for the idea

 

**Renjun:** aren’t you rich enough

 

**Doyoung:** calm down

 

**Haechan:** ARE YOU ALL WRITING DOWN THE SPOILERS?!??!?!?!   
  


**Mark:** gonna get #rich

  
**Jeno:** finally


	4. Someone Stop Them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO EVERYONE!!!! We're back!!!!!!!  
> School has been quite stressful (for me at least) so I haven't been able to come on a lot :(  
> We hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Mother:** guys why are you like this

 

**DoKyungsoo:** ?

  
  
**Mother:** how do you not know what I mean

 

**Betrayed:** ??

 

**Mother:** i give up

 

**Jeno:** y’all are weird

 

**Mother:** i’d slap you but that’d be animal abuse

 

**Jeno:** THE DISRESPECT

 

**Chenluh:** t e a

 

**Deer:** don’t worry kid he said that to me all the time

 

**Jeno:** but aren’t you like a furry or something

 

**DoKyungsoo:** LMAOOOOO

 

**Deer:** i-i wow

 

**Deer:** okay

 

**Mark:** *writes down the tea*

 

**Deer:** bitch are you planning to blackmail me

 

**Deer:** i will hoe expose

 

**ChicagoBOI:** mark already hoe exposes himself 

 

**Mark:** i feel betrayed but at the same time i deserve it

 

**DoKyungsoo:** i feel like we’ve poisoned the nct kids

 

**Deer:** knowing you we probably have

 

**DoKyungsoo:** i mean their minds not their drinks

 

**Mother:** aren’t they the same thing for you

 

**DoKyungsoo:** basically 

 

**ChicagoBOI:** i’m worried 

 

**DoKyungsoo:** don’t be

 

**Mother:** kyungsoo pls

 

**kungpaochickending:** pd i don’t think you have to worry about being in hell with us after all you’re in a group with satan

 

**kungpaochickending:** literal satan

 

**HealingUnicorn:** . 

 

**HealingUnicorn:** aren’t you meant to be practicing

 

**kungpaochickending:** nahhhh

 

**Jeno:** the other furry

 

**DoKyungsoo:** I like this kid

 

**HealingUnicorn:** JUST BECAUSE I’M A UNICORN DOESN’T MAKE ME A FURRY JASDHA

 

**Taeyong:** stop provoking them dammit

 

**Taeyong:** i try to keep you under control and this is what you do to me

 

**Jeno:** but you’re a terrible parent

 

**Taeyong:** shut up you little rat

 

**Mother:** stop bullying children

 

**Taeyong:** then stop bullying me

 

**HealingUnicorn:** yeah suho, stop bullying taeyong

 

**Mother:** Zhang Yixing I swear to god

 

**Mother:** taeyong i swear if you try to claim your place as the better parent over this I will expose

 

**Taeyong:** i am the better parent tho

 

**Mother:** your son basically explained the daddy kink on live tv

 

**Taeyong:** johnny has always been a difficult child

 

**Mother:** stop making excuses, just admit that I’m superior

 

**Taeyong:** if you were superior you’d be able to reach the top shelf without a step ladder

 

**Mother:** I AM TWO CENTIMETRES SHORTER THAN YOU LIKE HELL YOU CAN REACH THE TOP SHELF

 

**Taeyong:** build the kitchen to your height and you won’t have a problem

 

**Taeyong:** right I forgot you built it for Kris

 

**Taeyong:** but he left you

 

**SexyDancer:** THE SHADE

 

**Mother:** Kai I will make your life a living hell

 

**SexyDancer:** kyungsoo already does that

 

**Deer:** kyungie

 

**DoKyungsoo:** The threat still stands luhan

 

**DoKyungsoo:** i will swim to china

 

**Ten:** is it just me or is kyungsoo’s will to kill luhan stronger than my will to live

 

**DongSiCheng:** what will to live?

 

**Ten:** I did not leave thailand for this disrespect

 

**DongSiCheng:** you should’ve read the fine print

 

**Ten:** i did

 

**Ten:** and it definitely didn’t say that i’ll have to put up with a little rat called dong sicheng 

 

**Taeyong:** POST THE FUCK UP TEN

 

**DongSiCheng:** my own mother

 

**DongSiCheng:** the betrayal 

 

**Doyoung:** can i just say that both suho and taeyong are terrible parents and i should take custody of all the kids

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:** excuse me

 

**Doyoung:** you're still locked up in the dungeon

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:**  ...

 

**Mother:** you want my kids

 

**Doyoung:** i’ll do a better job than you

 

**Mother:** you know what

 

**Mother:** take them

 

**Mother:** kids meet your new mum

 

**KungfuPanda:** can you come to China and stay with me

 

**KungfuPanda:** I’m scared

 

**Doyoung:** b r o   you know martial arts

 

**KungfuPanda:** and?

 

**Doyoung:** suho you can have them back

 

**Doyoung:** kids your old mother wants you back 

 

**Mother:** no i don’t

 

**Doyoung:** fucking take them bitch 

 

**Doyoung:** or I will fight you

 

**Mother:** try me

 

**Doyoung:** you’re a gremlin, what could you possibly do

 

**Mother:** say goodbye to your kneecaps asshole 

 

**NakamotoYuta:** rip doyoung 1996 - 2018

 

**Mother:** jesus christ i’m old

 

**Doyoung:** r i p

 

**Mother:** i deserve respect

 

**BaoZi:** so do I and yet I never get it

 

**Mother:** I’m your mother

 

**BaoZi:** I’m your hyung

 

**Mother:** just

 

**Doyoung:** is it just me who finds it weird that suho birthed his own hyung?

 

**DoKyungsoo:** no

 

**DoKyungsoo:** we’re just mildly terrified of admitting it

 

**Ten:** weren’t you about to swim to china and slit luhan’s throat and yet your afraid of calling suho weird?

 

**DoKyungsoo:** watch

 

**DoKyungsoo:** suho you’re slightly insane

 

**Mother:** I will tie you to the ceiling fan and leave you there 

 

**DoKyungsoo:** see

 

**Ten:** can he even reach the ceiling?

 

**Mother:** say goodbye to your kneecaps as well asshole

 

**Ten:** I’m shorter than you so say goodbye to yours

 

**Mother:** I’m sorry honey come here I’ll protect you from the world   
****

 

**Ten:** HA I JUST GOT IMMUNITY BITCHES


	5. The Disrespect

**Ten:** sometimes i lie awake at night and wonder why i left thailand for this

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** i do the same thing and question why i left china for this

 

 **DongSiCheng:** i think the whole china line does

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** the whole foreign line does

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** we didn’t deserve this disrespect

 

 **kungpaochickending:** says you

  
  
**HealingUnicorn:** you know there are things I have time for zeren

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** and you’re not one of them

 

 **Haechan:** ouch

 

 **kungpaochickending:** i came out here to have a good time and i honestly feel so attacked right now

 

 **kungpaochickending:** also way to ruin the moment

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** says you

 

 **Mother:** YIXING STOP BULLYING THEM

 

 **SexyDancer:** at this point I swear they’re only in this chat to roast each other

 

 **Mother:** and you’re only here to point out facts that we’ve already realised

 

 **Haechan:** step 1: apply water to the burned area

 

 **Mark:** c h i l l

 

 **Haechan:** unlike kai’s burn

 

 **Haechan:** i mean what

 

 **Taeyong:** we always knew you were evil

 

 **Mother:** who didn’t?

 

 **Haechan:** o w

 

 **SexyDancer:** feel my pain

 

 **Haechan:** suho-hyung can you get everyone to stop bullying me i’m only smol

 

 **Haechan:** i’m an underaged bean

 

 **Mother:** okay everyone back the fuck up before you get smacked the fuck up this pure child doesn’t deserve this

 

 **Haechan:** i m m u n i t y

 

 **Ten:** you aren’t the only one

 

 **Haechan:** two of us are home safe

 

 **Ten:** thankfully

 

 **Mother:** who’s the better parent now taeyong

 

 **Taeyong:** still me, I have more kids

 

 **Taeyong:** and they’re still part of my group technically soo

 

 **Mother:** according to my notes you should shut the hell up right about now

 

 **Betrayed:** suho has no chill

 

 **NotMyStyle:** escaped the fear

 

 **Deer:** escaped the abuse of my kneecaps

 

 **KungfuPanda:** escaped?

 

 **KungfuPanda:** more like walked out the door and got locked out and then realised i didn’t want back in

 

 **Mark:** what have you seen hyung?

 

 **KungfuPanda:** many things

 

 **Mark:** like what?

 

 **KungfuPanda:** what it looks like when the light leaves someones eyes

 

 **Mark:** *writes notes aggressively*

 

 **Mark:** gotta get the good tea for the world

 

 **Jeno:** i stg

 

 **Chenluh:** fight me mark

 

 **Mark:** YOU’RE ALREADY RICH ENOUGH GO TO HELL

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** is chenle the rich kid of nct?

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** does he have the funds like suho

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** IS HE THE TRUST FUND KID

 

 **BaoZi:** wow

 

 **NotMyStyle:** chen dude chill

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** w h at  if suHO IS CHENLE

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** I SMELL A CONSPIRACY THEORY

 

 **Mother:** Chen all your smelling is dirt seeing as you’ve got your head so far underground

 

 **kungpaochickending:** and over here i present another dysfunctional family part. 4

 

 **Chenluh:** t e a

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** zeren please

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** stop with the spoilers

 

 **kungpaochickending:** no i’m exposing the dysfunctional yuehua family right now so that i can give these kids even more income

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** zeren is dating yanchen

 

 **kungpaochickending:** PD WHY DID YOU EXPOSE ME STOP DAMMIT THAT WASN’T PART OF THE DYSFUNCTIONAL YUEHUA FAMILY EXPOSURE IDEA

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** then stop giving spoilers

 

 **kungpaochickending:** i thought you were going to be nice not a raging bitch

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** just know that I’m twice as fabulous than you’ll ever be

 

 **kungpaochickending:** noted

 

 **Chenluh:** i feel like everyone already knew you and yanchen were dating from the theories online

 

 **Chenluh:** give me some good stories guys come on

 

 **Chenluh:** spill some proper tea

 

 **Maknae:** lele you’re already rich

 

 **Mother:** OH MY GOD I FORGOT THAT SMALL CHILD WAS HERE

 

 **Mother:** son don’t read any of the messages alright

 

 **Maknae:** ha i also have immunity uwu

 

 **Jungwoo:** he’s planning something

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** definitely

 

 **Jungwoo:** the innocent hyungs against an evil maknae

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** sounds like the history of EXO to me

 

 **Betrayed:** I’M A KIND MAKNAE

 

 **Betrayed:** sure i don’t clean but neither does my mum

 

 **Mother:** suck a dick

 

 **Betrayed:** i would if my boyfriend didn’t cheat on me

 

 **Deer:** babe pls

 

 **Betrayed:** nope

 

 **Mother:** luhan what did i say

 

 **Deer:** I’M SORRY PLEASE JUST ACCEPT ME INTO YOUR LIFE AGAIN

 

 **NotMyStyle:** he definitely wants to get fucked

 

 **Deer:** shut up

 

 **Maknae:** what did i do to deserve to see this kind of shit

 

 **Mother:** LANGUAGE

 

 **Taeyong:** parenthood is hard

 

 **Taeyong:** but i’ll conquer it

 

 **Maknae:** i think suho-hyung believes we’re innocent

 

 **Mother:** of course you are

 

 **Maknae:** we live with a guy who basically explained the daddy kink on live tv

 

 **Maknae:** what makes you think we’re innocent

 

 **Maknae:** also we’ve been in this chat for a while and you’ve really messed us up

 

 **Chenluh:** p r e a c h

 

 **Mother:** insulted

 

 **Taeyong:** proud

 

 **Doyoung:** there’s a fine line between good parents and bad parents

 

 **Doyoung:** and you guys definitely aren’t that line

 

 **Doyoung:** you’re in bad parent territory

 

 **Doyoung:** and have been for years

 

 **NotMyStyle:** why is everyone in this chat the living embodiment of disrespect?

 

 **KungfuPanda:** because we all love roasting suho-hyung?

 

 **SexyDancer:** definitely

 

 **Mother:** i feel like i don’t deserve this but at the same time i do

 

 **Taeyong:** glad you realised

 

 **Mother:** that was not an invitation

 

 **Mother:** actually nothing is

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:**

 

 **Mother:** and we’re only in this situation because Luhan decided to bring this dead chat back to life

 

 **Deer:**  heh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted to say a quick thank you to everyone who's been reading! We love seeing your comments, so please feel free to comment!!! again, thank you all so much :)


	6. Restrain the Children

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *time for some shameless self promo*  
> So hi guys! I recently got Twitter (@softforyuwin) if you want to follow! ~~i only have one follower~~ I'll probably just tweet and retweet a bunch of random things, but I also might post some updates on this fic, We Know You Meant Well, The Breaking Point and Operation Yanren! So if you maybe wanna just hang out, follow me????????? ~~idk i'm sorry what even is this~~  
>  Also, here's a guide to the nicknames everyone's using in case you might be a bit confused ~~some are very obvious ~~~~~~  
> Yixing - HealingUnicorn  
>  Suho - Mother  
> Yuta - NakamotoYuta  
> Kyungsoo - DoKyungsoo  
> Jisung - Maknae  
> Zeren - kungpaochickending  
> Chenle - Chenluh  
> Haechan - Haechan  
> Tao - KungfuPanda  
> Luhan - Deer  
> Winwin - Dong Sicheng  
> Kris - NotMyStyle  
> Renjun - Renjun  
> Doyoung - Doyoung  
> Hansol - Hansol  
> Jeno - Jeno  
> Mark - Mark  
> Taeyong - Taeyong  
> Jaemin - Jaemin  
> Xiumin - BaoZi  
> Johnny - ChicagoBOI  
> Baekhyun - Kkaebsong  
> Taeil - MoonTaeil  
> Kai - SexyDancer  
> Ten - Ten  
> Jaemin - Jaemin

**HealingUnicorn:** w h y

 

 **Mother:**??????????

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** the duality of suho is something i fear

 

 **Mother:** i suggest you shut up

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** what did i do to deserve this

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** i am so confused what

 

 **Maknae:** oi zeren did you break him?

 

 **kungpaochickending:** no comment

 

 **Chenluh:** doesn’t that usually mean you’ve done something

 

 **kungpaochickending:** no

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** i thought i could trust you and zhengting

 

 **kungpaochickending:** it’s qin fen’s fault

 

 **Haechan:** what the actual fuck happens in china?

 

 **Chenluh:** …

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** …

 

 **kungpaochickending:** …

 

 **KungfuPanda:** …

 

 **Deer:** …

 

 **DongSiCheng:** …

 

 **NotMyStyle:** …

 

 **Renjun:** everything happens in china

 

 **Mother:** moving on wha t happened to my son?

 

 **Doyoung:** i don’t really think anyone here wants to know

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** e ve r y t h i ng  i s goi n g to b e ok ay

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** t i m e   h e a l s e v e r y th i ng

 

 **Hansol:** lies

 

 **Hansol:** i smell millions of lies and a good story

 

 **kungpaochickending:** i stg pd if you tell them i will make you spend an entire hour in a room with him

 

 **Mother:** woah, woAH, WOAH ZHANG YIXING WHO IS ‘HIM’?

 

 **kungpaochickending:** a guy on ip who has scarred all of us for life who i’ve already name dropped -.-

 

 **Jeno:** that is my cue to get the fuck out

 

 **Mark:** hell no fam, gotta get rich off these spoilers

 

 **Jeno:** get help

 

 _Jeno has renamed Mark_ _  
_ _Mark is now #RichLife_

 

 **#RichLife:** wow just wow

 

 **#RichLife:** anyway give me the juicy goods

 

 **Chenluh:** i will fight you for this story mark

 

 **Jeno:** yOU’RE ALREADY RICH

 

 **Chenluh:** nothing can stop me now

 

 **Chenluh:** I will reign victorious

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** m o t h e r

 

 **Mother:** tell me son and I’ll fend off the angry escapee of the sm dungeon

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** qIN FEN WHY

 

 **Mother:** and there’s the name drop

 

 **kungpaochickending:** I ALREADY NAME DROPPED

 

 **kungpaochickending:** AND ALSO PD FFS

 

 **Mother:** boi, you better back the fuck up

 

 **kungpaochickending:**?

 

 **Mother:** OKAY YIXING THANKS FOR TELLING ME OVER THE PHONE AND ALL BUT WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL TAKING PART IN THIS SHOW???????????

 

 **kungpaochickending:** BE TRA Y E D

 

 **Mother:** YOU TOLD ME THE KIDS WEREN’T HAVING AN ORGY

 

 **Taeyong:** o o f

 

 **kungpaochickending:** we’re not

 

 **kungpaochickending:** well

 

 **kungpaochickending:** at least i’m not

 

 **kungpaochickending:** i don’t think so anyway

 

 **Chenluh:** where is god when you need him

 

 **kungpaochickending:** what we need is not god but a decontamination unit

 

 **kungpaochickending:** jesus christ why am i getting so many notifications

 

 **kungpaochickending:** o h

 

 **kungpaochickending:** jeffrey has made a mistake

 

 **kungpaochickending:** and zhengting calls us disgusting

 

 **Chenluh:** TEA

 

 **#RichLife:** chenle i stg if you take this story

 

 **#RichLife:** i will shove a stick so far up your ass that it’ll come out of your mouth

 

 **Chenluh:** that isn’t even an original threat

 

 **Maknae:** w h at

 

 **Jaemin:**  yeah some dude used to impale people on sticks and leave them to die, it took like 3 days. Why aren’t times as simple anymore?

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** my kind of entertainment that would be

 

 **BaoZi:** okay we get that you’re satan but why

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** i was the kid interested in ancient torture devices what’s new

 

 **BaoZi:** I’m not even surprised at this point

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** I feel my will to live slowly sliding away

 

 **Kkaebsong:** same kid

 

 **Chanyeol:** HOLY SHIT BAEKHYUN YOU’RE ONLINE??1!!?

 

 **Kkaebsong:** says you who is almost never online

 

 **NotMyStyle:** ffs

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** everything is fine i’m not traumatised no no no

 

 **Deer:** how about you stop freaking out in the chat and slap this piece of shit

 

 **Kkaebsong:** luhan is resorting to violence what has the world come to

 

 **Deer:** what’s new

 

 **Deer:** the concerts were basically live smackdowns

 

 **Mother:** i try to keep you under control but noooo

 

 **Taeyong:** this just confirms that I’m a better parent

 

 **Mother:** I would like to see you try and raise exo better than i did

 

 **Taeyong:** i could totally do it

 

 **Mother:** so you would’ve been able to deal with Tao messaging you at 4am to ask you to stand outside of the bathroom because he’s scared

 

 **Taeyong:** doesn’t he know martial arts?

 

 **Mother:** EXACTLY

 

 **Mother:** ALL I ASK FOR IS ONE NORMAL FUCKING CHILD

 

 **Taeyong:** which child are you worried about the most now then

 

 **Mother:** Lay

 

 **Taeyong:**???

 

 **Mother:** he seems like he’d be high on something

 

 **Taeyong:** -.-

 

 **KungfuPanda:** i was the best son though

 

 **Mother:** ehhh debatable

 

 **NotMyStyle:** I can say that taeyong is a better parent. I hid in tao’s closet for THREE days and none of you found me

 

 **Deer:** rip

 

 **Mother:** luhan you aren’t much better

 

 **Mother:** also how the hell did tao not know you were there

 

 **KungfuPanda:**...

 

 **NotMyStyle:** also tao didn’t you say you have a meme of yourself on your phone

 

 **Taeyong:** jesus christ your children are disappointments

 

 **Ten:** should we tell taeyong or nah?

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** nah

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** he’ll discover our disappointing selves later in life

 

 **MoonTaeil:** why do we exist?

 

 **ChicagoBOI:**????

 

 **Ten:** I don’t think I’ve ever been more confused in my life

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** same

 

 **Jaemin:** why are we even hereeeeee

 

 **Jeno:** ask luhan

 

 **Chenluh:** i kinda regret this

 

 **SexyDancer:**  we all do


	7. What Has The Dungeon Done

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter 7!!!!!  
> Yixing - HealingUnicorn  
> Suho - Mother  
> Yuta - NakamotoYuta  
> Kyungsoo - DoKyungsoo  
> Jisung - Maknae  
> Zeren - kungpaochickending  
> Chenle - Chenluh  
> Haechan - Haechan  
> Tao - KungfuPanda  
> Luhan - Deer  
> Winwin - DongSicheng  
> Kris - NotMyStyle  
> Renjun - Renjun  
> Doyoung - Doyoung  
> Hansol - Hansol  
> Jeno - Jeno  
> Taeyong - Taeyong  
> Xiumin - BaoZi  
> Johnny - ChicagoBOI  
> Baekhyun - Kkaebsong  
> Taeil - MoonTaeil  
> Kai - SexyDancer  
> Ten - Ten  
> Jaemin - Jaemin  
> Chanyeol - Chanyeol  
> Jungwoo - Jungwoo  
> Kun - LockedInTheDungeon  
> Mark - #RichLife  
> Haechan - Haechan
> 
> Twitter for updates and more: @softforyuwin

**CamelDinosaur:** does anyone else get the feeling like we’re being watched by a greater power

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** you’ve been in the sm dungeon for so long that you’ve become a conspiracy theorist hyung

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** what’s going to happen to us

 

 **Kkaebsong:** he’s always been like this

 

 **Kkaebsong:** he’s impossible to stop

 

 **Kkaebsong:** tao was terrified of him

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** tao is afraid of everything

 

 **KungfuPanda:** ;-;

 

 **KungfuPanda:** betrayal

 

 **NotMyStyle:** at least you don’t have to see him anymore

 

 **kungpaochickending:** you guys are depressing af

 

 **Hansol:** i feel like i jumped off the train at the right time

 

 **kungpaochickending:** oh yeah definitely

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** i expect the disrespect from the others

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** but you zeren are something else

 

 **Mother:** i feel like those two will never get along

 

 **Chanyeol:** all i ask is for one normal group chat

 

 **Mother:** we all ask for that

 

 **Mother:** i ask for one normal child

 

 **Mother:** and i’m landed with a bunch of kids who belong in a mental asylum

 

 **Hansol:** ouch

 

 **SexyDancer:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Mother:** see what i mean

 

 **Hansol:**.

 

 **Jungwoo:** question

 

 **Jungwoo:** when did you realise that your kids needed professional help

 

 **Taeyong:** the day we debuted

 

 **Jungwoo:** not you

 

 **MoonTaeil:** rip

 

 **Renjun:** screeeeee

 

 **MoonTaeil:** stop

 

 **MoonTaeil:** get help

 

 **Renjun:** you’re the oldest

 

 **Taeyong:** he’s not the leader for a reason

 

 **Maknae:** ooh

 

 **Maknae:** b

 

 **Maknae:** u

 

 **Maknae:** r

 

 **Maknae:** n

 

 **Maknae:** !

 

 **Maknae:** !

 

 **Maknae:** !

 

 **ChicagoBOI:** i stg

 

 **Maknae:** better go get some ice for that burn baby

 

 **Chenluh:** calm down

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** where’s taeyong when you need him

 

 **Doyoung:** malfunctioning

 

 **Jeno:** aren’t we all?

 

 **Mother:** I feel like sm has changed us

 

 **Chanyeol:** you don’t say

 

 **Mother:**  t h e    d i s r e s p e c t

 

 **WongYukhei:** at this point you should just accept the fact that no one respects you

 

 **Mother:** be calm suho, you can’t bully children

 

 **Mother:** b e  c a l m

 

 **Mother:** c  a l  m

 

 **KunfuPanda:** this is going to end badly

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** oh yeah definitely

 

 **Mother:** c   a l   m

 

 **Mother:** I am one with the calm sea

 

 **NotMyStyle:** oh god he’s monologuing

 

 **Kkaebsong:** kris control him please

 

 **NotMyStyle:** fuck no i left for a reason

 

 **Kkaebsong:** i swear the nct kids are the ones who are constantly being attacked

 

 **Ten:** as i have said many times before i did not leave thailand for this

 

 _Kkaebsong has renamed Ten_ _  
_ _Ten is now ididntleavethailandforthis_

 

 **ididntleavethailandforthis:** unbelievable

 

 **Kkaebsong:** thank me later kid

 

 **Mother:** lucaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

 

 **Mother:** where are youuuuu

 

 **NotMyStyle:** rip lucas

 

 **NotMyStyle:** you will not be missed

 

 **WongYukhei:** b i t c h

 

 **Taeyong:** i have to agree

 

 **Taeyong:** you little shit

 

 **Mother:** found you you little fucker

 

 **WongYukhei:** HYUNG PLEASE NO I’M SORRY I DON’T DESERVE THIS AJKDAKSDNAK

 

 **WongYukhei:** JSHASDKLFAZ

 

 **Mother:** where do we hide the body

 

 **Deer:** what

 

 **KungfuPanda:** the

 

 **NotMyStyle:** actual

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** fuck

 

 **Mother:** YIXING LANGUAGE DAMMIT

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** i didn’t think suho had it in him

 

 **#RichLife:** if i leaked that suho-hyung was a murderer do you think i’d get ridiculously rich?

 

 **Jeno:** NOW IS NOT THE TIME MARK WE JUST LOST LUCAS

 

 **Jeno:** not that i care

 

 **Jeno:** BUT LUCAS

 

 **kungpaochickending:** you might actually be more dysfunctional than han mubo and qin fen

 

 **#RichLife:** I’m listening

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** stop listening

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** i swear if you tell them about your antics i will   e x p o s e

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** and it won’t just be you

 

 **kungpaochickending:** am I being

 

 **kungpaochickending:** blackmailed

 

 **kungpaochickending:** by a furry

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** LMAOOO I LOVE THESWE KIDS

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** THEY’RE WILD]

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** JUST BECAUSE I’M A UNICORN DOESN’T MAKE ME A FURRY

 

 **kungpaochickending:** you have a song about you being china’s sheep

 

 **kungpaochickending:** everything about that screams furry

 

 **Deer:** to be fair he isn’t wrong

 

 **kungpaochickending:** says you

 

 **Jeno:** i always knew i loved you zeren

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** i am officially adopting zeren and jeno

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** i’d also like to see you try to stop me

 

 **Taeyong:** the dark cloud covering us is expanding

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** try me

 

 **Taeyong:** no no no you can have them

 

 **Taeyong:** i’m going to go clean up lucas

 

 **kungpaochickending:** after what i’ve see i think i prefer kyungsoo-hyung as my parent

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** to be fair i don’t blame you zhengting is nasty

 

 **Mother:** woah woah woah

 

 **SexyDancer:** did they just agree on something

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** n o

 

 **kungpaochickending:** i refuse to ever agree with pd on anything in this chat

 

 **Mother:** i love how there is one kid who doesn’t even go here but is the most respectful

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** his one redeeming factor

 

 **Jeno:** the dungeon changed people

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** oh yeah

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** i started to like it

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** okay then

 

 **Hansol:** someone save these poor souls

 

 **Maknae:** this is not where i saw myself when i was 5

 

 **Maknae:** i thought i’d know normal people

 

 **Maknae:** i was wrong

 

 **Mother:** we’re as normal as you’re going to get

 

 **KungfuPanda:** i beg to differ

 

 **Mother:** then beg


	8. Everyone Needs Jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been a while since our last chapter! So, here's chapter 8 (and we apologise in advance)

**Jaemin:** i love how just manage to get wildly off topic when we decide to liven this place up a bit

 

**NakamotoYuta:** we actually like to have normal conversations between us being hoes

 

**NakamotoYuta:** we actually talk about our schedules

 

**NakamotoYuta:** and then suho-hyung comes along and asks for us to disrespect him basically

 

**NotMyStyle:** that is very true

 

**NotMyStyle:** don’t let him hear you say that though

 

**NakamotoYuta:** yeah no don’t want to lose my head

 

**NakamotoYuta:** not today my friends

 

**NakamotoYuta:** not today

 

**SexyDancer:** did you just call us friends?

 

**Chanyeol:** we’re definitely not friends

 

**NakamotoYuta:** fuck buddies?

 

**Chanyeol:** you took a hard turn in the wrong direction

 

**NakamotoYuta:** it would be fun though

 

**NakamotoYuta:** you have to admit

 

**Chanyeol:** why am I lowkey agreeing with this

 

**NakamotoYuta:** the door is unlocked

 

**Chanyeol:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**SexyDancer:** what the fuck just happened

 

**Jaemin:** i think we just witnessed the birth of a relationship

 

**WongYukhei:** there are definitely ways that you could phrased that better

 

**Jaemin:** please remind me why you’re still breathing

 

**WongYukhei:** because suho-hyung knew that if he went to jail his kids would destroy everything

 

**Betrayed:** fair enough

 

**Betrayed:** i wouldn’t trust us either

 

**Deer:** they’re becoming self aware

 

**CamelDinosaur:** this is news

 

**CamelDinosaur:** theories are springing to life in my mind

 

**KungfuPanda:** why did you provoke him??

 

**SexyDancer:** okay are we just going to ignore the fact that chanyeol and yuta are quite possibly fucking

 

**Taeyong:** w h a t

 

**Mother:** excuse me

 

**Taeyong:** I REFUSE TO BE LINKED BY MARRIAGE TO SUHO

 

**Taeyong:** no 

 

**Taeyong:** no 

 

**Taeyong:** no 

 

**Taeyong:** no 

 

**Taeyong:** no 

 

**Taeyong:** no 

 

**Taeyong:** no 

 

**Taeyong:** no 

 

**Taeyong:** no 

 

**HealingUnicorn:** stop spamming my god

 

**Kkaebsong:** i feel betrayed

 

**NakamotoYuta:** i never said the door was closed hyung ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Kkaebsong:** be right there ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**ChicagoBOI:** RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD

 

**Mother:** oh my god

 

**Mother:** two of my kids

 

**Mother:** and one of taeyong’s kid

 

**Taeyong:** i’m calling a therapist

 

**Taeyong:** i can’t get over this alone

 

**SexyDancer:** who tops?

 

**Mother:** NOW IS NOT THE TIME

 

**MoonTaeil:** now this is something that i enjoy

 

**Mother:** us breaking down?

 

**MoonTaeil:** threesomes

 

**Taeyong:** jesus christ

 

**Chanyeol:** the door is closed by the way so no one else getting a piece of this

 

**MoonTaeil:** now this is my cup of tea

 

**SexyDancer:** i feel like we will get along

 

**MoonTaeil:** we will lead this ship

 

**SexyDancer:** fuck yeah we will

 

**SexyDancer:** and we will be the best damn leaders of this ships maiden voyage. FULL SPEED AHEAD

 

**Jeno:** bitch you’ll end up like the titanic if you do that

 

**MoonTaeil:** the fuck is a titanic?

 

**Maknae:** my hyungs are dumber than i originally thought

 

**Maknae:** and that’s saying something

 

**SexyDancer:** ONWARDS

 

**#RichLife:** oh god i can hear it

 

**Chenluh:** oh boy

 

**Chenluh:** t e a

 

**Jaemin:** hhh why are we like this

 

**Doyoung:** i think we’d all like to know this

 

**BaoZi:** as the oldest in this chat i feel like i have failed my duty

 

**BaoZi:** but at the same time i love watching you all crash and burn

 

**NotMyStyle:** same though

 

**NotMyStyle:** leaving the dungeon was a great idea now that none of the actions committed by them will do anything to me

 

**Deer:** the sweet taste of freedom

 

**KungfuPanda:** this is like that one scene in the lion king 

 

**KungfuPanda:** everything that touches the light is great entertainment companies

 

**KungfuPanda:** what about that dark shadowy place over there?

 

**Deer:** kyungsoo’s lair, we don’t go there

 

**KungfuPanda:** that’s sm entertainment, we don’t go there

 

**KungfuPanda:** both work

 

**DoKyungsoo:** i’m glad you know not to come back to my kingdom

 

**DoKyungsoo:** sure it’s not great

 

**DoKyungsoo:** but at least i have two heirs now

 

**KungfuPanda:** THAT’S WORSE

 

**kungpaochickending:** i’m hurt

 

**Jeno:** my heart is broken

 

**Jungwoo:** OKAY THAT’S COOL BUT LIKE CHANYEOL, BAEKHYUN AND YUTA ARE CURRENTLY GOING AT IT 

 

**SexyDancer:** YES

 

**MoonTaeil:** I CANNOT EXPLAIN THE HAPPINESS I FEEL

 

**Jungwoo:** wtf

 

**Chenluh:** did our softest hyung just - 

 

_ Jungwoo has renamed SexyDancer _ _   
_ _ SexyDancer is now PervNo1 _

 

_ Jungwoo has renamed MoonTaeil _ _   
_ _ MoonTaeil is now PervNo2 _

 

**PervNo2:** how fitting

 

**PervNo1:** indeed

 

**ChicagoBOI:** OH DADDY

 

_ Jungwoo has renamed ChicagoBOI _

_ ChicagoBOI is now OhDaddy _

 

**OhDaddy:** Hyungs can i be part of this?

 

**PervNo1:** of course son

 

**PervNo2:** welcome

 

**Doyoung:** so yuta is whipped just not for winwin

 

**DongSiCheng:** apparently 

 

**DongSiCheng:** I’m hurt

 

**NakamotoYuta:** who said that I was never whipped for winwin hmmm

 

**NakamotoYuta:** come join us

 

**Kkaebsong:** foursomes are kind of messy tho

 

**Chanyeol:** it’ll be fun 

 

**NakamotoYuta:** the door is open only for you

 

**DongSiCheng:** of course I’m coming

 

**Jaemin:** I love how suho-hyung had nothing to do with this and yet here we are with the biggest mess since the debut of EXO

 

**Mother:** I’ll give you 10 seconds to run

 

**Taeyong:** Yuta, Sicheng, stop it and come here right now

 

**DongSiCheng:** No!

 

**Renjun:** O.O

 

**Jaemin:** oh no

 

**OhDaddy:** oh no

 

**Taeyong:** What are you saying?

 

**NakamotoYuta:** he said      n o 

 

**PervNo1:** ooh

 

**CamelDinosaur:** suck that dick


	9. Chaotic Gays

**Betrayed:** so um, foursome people

 

**Betrayed:** how is it 

 

**Kkaebsong:** eye opening

 

**NakamotoYuta:** a few other things are open as well

 

**PervNo2:** baekhyun is a bottom confirmed

 

**PervNo1:** that much was obvious, he’s a soft bean

 

**PervNo1:** doesn’t have it in him to top

 

**DongSiCheng:** you’d be surprised

 

**Chanyeol:** i was

 

**OhDaddy:** SWITCH BAEKHYUN????

 

**Jaemin:** TMI PEOPLE TMI

 

**Kkaebsong:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Maknae:** WE ARE CHILDREN

 

**Mother:** OKAY YOU FOUR STOP FOR A QUICK MINUTE AND LET THE PURE KIDS STAY PURE

 

**Chenluh:** CHILDREN 

 

**NakamotoYuta:** it was very enjoyable experience i have to say

 

**HealingUnicorn:** that is not how people usually describe their sexual endeavours 

 

**kungpaochickending:** DON’T LET THEM TURN INTO JEFFREY

 

**HealingUnicorn:** honestly I’m more worried about them turning into wenjun, dinghao and xinchun

 

**#RichLife:** i’m ready for some hot tea to be spilled

 

**kungpaochickending:** too late for that

 

**kungpaochickending:** as long as no minion costumes are involved they should be fine. I have no time for minion fetishes no no no. 

 

**Hansol:** woah

 

**Hansol:** my phone nearly blew up

 

**Hansol:** so this is why

 

**Hansol:** get some you four

 

**Mother:** DON’T ENCOURAGE THEM

 

**Taeyong:** my therapist recommended me a mental asylum 

 

**BaoZi:** they’re all of age

 

**BaoZi:** calm down

 

**Taeyong:** BUT I MIGHT END UP RELATED TO YOU LOT HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO BE CALM

 

**Taeyong:** I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU AT FAMILY GATHERINGS

 

**Doyoung:** what the hell sort of polyamorous relationship is this

 

**NakamotoYuta:** a fucking amazing one

 

**OhDaddy:** i ship the right people

 

**PervNo1:** you have great taste

 

**PervNo2:** can i join?

 

**PervNo2:** research purposes

 

**Deer:** ah finally things happening

 

**NotMyStyle:** are you sure that’s what you want to say?

 

**Deer:** definitely

 

**KungfuPanda:** i’m gonna have nightmares for years

 

**Mother:** don’t even think about texting me about coming to china to comfort you

 

**KungfuPanda:** jesus okay

 

**KungfuPanda:** this gucci panda has           s t y l e

 

**NotMyStyle:** yeah no

 

**KungfuPanda:** o f f e n d e d

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:** I STG

 

**Kkaebsong:** i was glad to find out that the other three are up for anything

 

**DongSiCheng:** i learnt a lot

 

**DongSiCheng:** some real good shit

 

**Chanyeol:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**NakamotoYuta:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Kkaebsong:** we’ve got everything right guys

 

**Chanyeol:** oh yeah

 

**Jaemin:** oh jesus

 

**OhDaddy:** o h    d a d d y

 

**Chanyeol:** that’s one thing they’ll be screaming tonight

 

**NakamotoYuta:** of course

 

**Jaemin:** really

 

**Jaemin:** why are you guys like this

 

**Haechan:** i ignore this group for as long as i can and this is what i discover

 

**Haechan:** why am i part of nct

 

**Chenluh:** why did i leave china

 

**ididntleavethailandforthis:** my name says it all

 

**ididntleavethailandforthis:** thanks for saving me from typing 

 

**Kkaebsong:** told you you’d thank me later

 

**DongSiCheng:** i’ll be thanking you later hyung ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

**Jeno:** can anyone get them under control. PLEASE

 

**Taeyong:** too late for that

 

**Hansol:** y’all are nasty as fuck

 

**Hansol:** do all sm artists end up like this

 

**Mother:** yup, even some of the ones who escape

 

**kungpaochickending:** are you implying?

 

**Mother:** i can think of at least two sm trainees who left and still get some

 

**Mother:** maybe more 

 

**Deer:** oh god

 

**PervNo1:** *only* 2?

 

**kungpaochickending:** omg

 

**HealingUnicorn:** stop bringing up that shit show

 

**Mother:** you know what

 

**Mother:** i give up yixing

 

**Mother:** why can’t you go back to being smol

 

**kungpaochickending:** see that’s how i thought he’d be when we got on the show

 

**kungpaochickending:** now i’m terrified

 

**kungpaochickending:** if anyone says the word 

 

**kungpaochickending:** i will scream

 

**KungfuPanda:** what word????

 

**Jaemin:** i think i might know

 

**kungpaochickending:** i stg if you say it

 

**HealingUnicorn:** b a l a n c e

 

**HealingUnicorn:** he actually screamed

 

**HealingUnicorn:** he’s crying in a corner

 

**HealingUnicorn:** _ [Sent an image] _

 

**Hansol:** what has this show done to these children

 

**Chenluh:** I SEE YANCHEN WITH HIM

 

**Chenluh:** JHAM,FJS TIME TO GET R I C H 

 

**#RichLife:** chenle pls let me have some money for once 

 

**Mother:** *sighs*

 

**Mother:** i try, i really do

 

**Chanyeol:** it’s alright hyung

 

**Mother:** YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM

 

**BaoZi:** i feel like i’m the only one that won’t be yelled at by suho

 

**Mother:** AREN’T YOU MEANT TO BE THE OLDEST YOU SHOULD HELP OUT AROUND HERE MAYBE

 

**BaoZi:** nevermind

 

**Betrayed:** hyung, you’re scaring everyone

 

**Mother:** s o n

 

**Mother:** the only okay one left 

 

**CamelDinosaur:** i’m guessing i’m not included in this

 

**Mother:** you stood in the corner of my room for 3 hours muttering demonic incantations seeing if they would actually summon kyungsoo

 

**DoKyungsoo:** lmaooooo

 

**Mother:** YOU DREW A PENTAGRAM

 

**Mother:** I’M PRETTY SURE YOU LET AN ACTUAL REAL DEMON INTO MY ROOM

 

**Mother:** SOMETHING KEEPS STROKING MY FACE AT NIGHT

 

**DoKyungsoo:** he opened

 

**DoKyungsoo:** a gateway

 

**DoKyungsoo:** far out

 

**Mother:** I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO

 

**Mother:** THERE IS THIS FREAKY ASS PENTAGRAM IN THE CORNER AND AT NIGHT CHEN COMES IN AND JUST STANDS THERE CHANTING SHIT

 

**CamelDinosaur:** ???????

 

**Mother:** OH MY GOD HE’S POSSESSED SOMEONE CALL AN EXORCIST I AKSDHJAM,Zd

 

**NotMyStyle:** i’m wheezing

 

**Mother:** Does this look funny to you?

 

**Mother:** IF I DIE DO YOU KNOW WHO WILL GET CUSTODY OF THESE KIDS??????

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:** don’t kill him

 

**Doyoung:** yeah please don’t

 

**Haechan:** time to do something i should’ve done a long time ago

 

**#RichLife:** PLEASE NO HAECHANNIE

 

_ Haechan has renamed Doyoung _

_ Doyoung is now Bunny _

 

**Bunny:** LEE DONGHYUCK I SWEAR TO JESUS

 

**Haechan:** you mean the easter bunny

 

**Chenluh:** now we don’t have to take him seriously anymore! Yay

 

_ Haechan has renamed Chenluh _

_ Chenluh is now Dolphin _

 

_ Haechan has renamed Taeyong _

_ Taeyong is now TYTrack _

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:** lmfaoooooooooooooooooo

 

**Haechan:** now, who else?

 

**Haechan:** zeren???

 

**kungpaochickending:** i know where you live

 

**#RichLife:** zeren is a stalker

 

**Hansol:** he nearly debuted with NCT

 

**Hansol:** what do you expect

 

**Dolphin:** i stg mark

 

**Dolphin:** you’re in all three units, get the most lines

 

**Dolphin:** how are you underpaid?

 

**#RichLife:** could say the same for you

 

**#RichLife:** you and jisung are literally 

 

**Haechan:** rich man poor woman

 

**Dolphin:** hey junmyeon hyung isn’t that the drama you’re in?

 

**#RichLife:** HAHAHA SO MUCH INFO

 

**kungpaochickending:** why do you remind me of nongnong and feitong

 

**HealingUnicorn:** not here bitch

 

**kungpaochickending:** i’d like to see you fight me

 

**HealingUnicorn:** i stg

 

**HealingUnicorn:** don’t even start

 

**kungpaochickending:** this chat just brings back bad memories

 

**PervNo1:** yixing didn’t used to hate zeren

 

**PervNo2:** i wonder what happened

 

**Mother:** yixing used to teach zeren dance

 

**CamelDinosaur:** something definitely happened

 

**Haechan:** t e a

 

**Dolphin:** stfu

 

**Chanyeol:** things are getting spicy

 

**Betrayed:** shut up hyung

 

**Mother:** kids be quiet

 

**Kkaebsong:** okay let’s focus on the issue here

 

**Loverboy1:** shush y’all

 

**Haechan:** *spits out tea*

 

**#RichLife:** wtf happened

 

**TYTrack:** who are you

 

**Bunny:** something doesn’t seem quite right

 

**Jeno:** wait a moment…

 

**Hansol:** lmao

 

**Jaemin:** zeren omfg lmfaoooooooooo

 

**Deer:** who did this to you

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:** language children

 

**DoKyungsoo:** well

 

**KungfuPanda:** it’s a bit too late for that

 

**NotMyStyle:** agreed

 

**BaoZi:** can we just have a normal group chat for once

 

**TYTrack:** you guys are ruining my children

 

**TYTrack:** look at lucas

 

**WongYukhei:** someone’s calling me?

 

**Jungwoo:** ᶫᵘᶜᵃˢ

 

**WongYukhei:** it is safe for me now

 

**TYTrack:** when you decide to listen to me

 

_ WongYukhei has renamed Jungwoo _

_ Jungwoo is now Junguwu _

 

**Junguwu:** ʷᵒʷ

 

**TYTrack:** stop trying to be cute

 

**TYTrack:** we all know you’re the most chaotic gay out there along with ten

 

**ididntleavethailandforthis:** bitch

 

**Junguwu:** Dᵒn'ᵗ ᵇᵉ sᵒ ᵐeᵃn

 

**WongYukhei:** he’s harmless!

 

**Renjun:** you make it sound like he’s a feral cat you found on the street and are taking home to your mother and trying to make it sound like its innocent

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:** i stg renjun

 

**Jeno:** and ᵗʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ʷʰʸ ᶦ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ʰᶦᵐ

 

**Jaemin:** shhh stfu you can’t unsend messages

 

**Jaemin:** ᵇᵃᵇᵉ ᶦᶫʸ

 

**Mother:** TAEYONG YOUR CHILDREN ARE HAVING AN ORGY

 

**TYTrack:** OH HELL NO

 

**Loverboy1:** GOD HOPEFULLY THEY DON’T TURN INTO WENJUN XINCHUN AND DINGHAO

 

**HealingUnicorn:** ZEREN STOP BRINGING THAT HELL INTO THIS ONE   


 

**Loverboy1:** YOU GUYS DON’T HAVE ANY FETISHES RIGHT

 

**Dolphin:** 0.0

 

**Maknae:** O.O

 

**Haechan:** oh daddy

 

**OhDaddy:** lee donghyuck

 

**NakamotoYuta:** please be quiet i’m trying to do something

 

**Bunny:** something with ʷᶦᶰʷᶦᶰ

 

**NakamotoYuta:** hey guys let’s have bunny tonight

 

**TYTrack:** gtg brb gonna stop them from killing each other

 

**#RichLife:** nct and ip spoilers this is the best

 

**Deer:** mark lee

 

**Loverboy1:** honestly

 

**Loverboy1:** taeyong hyung you remind me so much of zhengting

 

**TYTrack:** who?

 

**Loverboy1:** zhu zhengting

 

**Loverboy1:** you know

 

**Loverboy1:** the one on produce 101

 

**Loverboy1:** flexi-boy

 

**Loverboy1:** my new mother

 

**TYTrack:** betrayed

 

**Betrayed:** don’t steal from me

 

**Dolphin:** oh i think i know him

 

**Dolphin:** moling tim?

 

**Jaemin:** wtf chenle how do you know everyone

 

**Maknae:** that’s ma boy

 

**#RichLife:** chensung is real haha

 

**OhDaddy:** mark

 

**Haechan:** mork

 

**Loverboy1:** ANYWAY

 

**Loverboy1:** like i was saying

 

**Bunny:** ???

 

**Maknae:** where did he go

 

**LockedInTheDungeon:** zeren?

 

**NakamotoYuta:** knowing that dumb fuck he probably asdsfghklj

 

**Junguwu:** mind your language

 

**NakamotoYuta:** i just got attacked by jungwoo wtf

 

**Bunny:** and this bunny is going to attack you

 

**NotMyStyle:** zeren???

 

**Loverboy1:** FUCK

 

**HealingUnicorn:** dumbass

 

**Mother:** ZHANG YIXING

 

**Loverboy1:** FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

 

**Hansol:** ?

 

**Loverboy1:** WRONG CHAT ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION

 

**Dolphin:** lmao

 

**Maknae:** zeren hyung

 

**NakamotoYuta:** and you tell me off for language -_-

 

**Haechan:** you really are a mess aren’t you zeren?

 

**PervNo1:** anyway back to the issue at hand

 

**PervNo2:** before everything exploded

 

**PervNo1:** how did yixing come to hate zeren????

 

**Mother:** children

 

**Dolphin:** okay so based from what i know there’s a lot of tea

 

**#RichLife:** t e a

 

**Haechan:** bitch you’re too soft

 

**Haechan:** anyway

 

**TYTrack:** lee donghyuck i am disappointed in you

 

**Haechan:** booming system uh uh ty track ty track

 

**NakamotoYuta:** ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

**Dolphin:** i’m a boss to the world neol aetaeuge hal nom hot dog feel like I wear GUSEU GUSEU

 

**Renjun:** shut up we know you love Taeyong

 

**TYTrack:** <3

 

**Bunny:** fucking stop oh my god

 

**Bunny:** you’re repulsive

 

**TYTrack:** is the bunny meat offer still on

 

**Mother:** jfc the kid can’t get a break can he

 

**Betrayed:** i think venison is best

 

**Deer:** YOU SAID YOU WERE OVER IT

 

**Bunny:** YOU GONNA BEAT THIS MEAT BITCH

 

**Maknae:** what the fuck  richard

 

**Maknae:** you know guys 

 

**Maknae:** i’m supposed to be innocent

 

**Renjun:** that was the image sm gave us

 

**HealingUnicorn:** everyday we stray further from the light of god

 

**Jaemin:** open up a bible

 

**DoKyungsoo:** and burn I think not

 

**Kkaebsong:** this is going way too far

 

**Chanyeol:** but i like it 

 

**TYTrack:** STOP TAINTING MY CHILDREN

 

**Loverboy1:** says the guy who said his sister inspired whiplash

 

**NakamotoYuta:** songs written by taeyong are always … interesting 

 

**TYTrack:** OH MY GOD STOP EXPOSING ME

 

**OhDaddy:** if it weren’t for me you and mark would have already ended your careers

 

**DongSiCheng:** true

 

**DongSiCheng:** you said it was about your sister

 

**Jaehyun:** would you say that he needs to be whipped into shape ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	10. It's Time To Stop

 

 **Dolphin:** i’m so happy that i don’t live in the dorm anymore

 

 **Maknae:** what no

 

 **Maknae:** i miss you

 

 **Maknae:** markhyuck, norenmin

 

 **Maknae:** i’m just alone

 

 **Dolphin:** aw no bby

 

 **TYTrack:** kids

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** please stop

 

 **ididntleavethailandforthis:** baby don’t stop

 

 **Kkaebsong:** i’m thirsty

 

 **Mother:** oh for fucks sake

 

 **Chanyeol:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

 **Chanyeol:** My doors open

 

 **Kkaebsong:** no i just want water you fuck

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** this is why you have no friends

 

 **Kkaebsong:** says the man who is threatening to swim to China and strangle his ex-bandmate

 

 **PervNo1:** come on he’s harmless

 

 **PervNo1:** as harmless as a boiled egg

 

 **Kkaebsong:** YOU’RE SO FUCKING WHIPPED FOR HIM

 

 **Betrayed:** i want love

 

 **Deer:** my dear

 

 **Betrayed:** deactivate you ugly rat

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** i am the epitome of unrequited love

 

 **Kkaebsong:** you are literally in a foursome with me

 

 **Chanyeol:** we love you

 

 **DongSiCheng:** m a t e

 

 **Jeno:** well that was random

 

 **Haechan:** it’s true tho

 

 **PervNo2:** my winwin  <3

 

 **DongSiCheng:** oh hell no

 

 **TYTrack:** YOU FOUR THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

 

 **Bunny:** hypocrite

 

 **LockedInTheDungeon:** i am the only responsible parent here

 

_Haechan has renamed LockedInTheDungeon_

_LockedInTheDungeon is now Eomma_

 

 **Eomma:** ffs   


**Eomma:** FOR THE LAST TIME I AM A FATHER NOT A MOTHER   


_Junguwu has renamed Eomma_

_Eomma is now Kuncess_

 

 **Kuncess:** that’s better

 

 **Kuncess:** thank you Jungwoo for being respectful

 

 **Junguwu:** No problem

 

 **BaoZi:** i crave normality

 

 **BaoZi:** i crave a boring group chat

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** so this is why my notifications have been blowing up

 

 **Chanyeol:** i am: disappointed

 

 **Kuncess:** please

 

 **DongSiCheng:** but seriously has anyone ever noticed how yuta has a minion fetish

 

 **Loverboy1:** no no No nO NO NO NO NO NO WE ARE NOT DOING THIS NOW FUCK YOU DONG SICHENG

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** i stg zeren but NAKAMOTO YUTA IF YOU HAVE A FUCKING MINION FETISH I WILL BITCH SLAP YOU FROM CHINA

 

 **TYTrack:** honestly my children

 

 **TYTrack:** it could’ve gotten way worse if i hadn’t stepped in

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** HAVING A MINION FETISH IS BAD FULL STOP

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** SHUT UP I WAS JUST HORNY OKAY

 

 **Maknae:** MY EYES

 

 **Dolphin:** I AM AN INNOCENT CHILD

 

 **Mother:** TAEYONG I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU

 

 **Bunny:** WHAT THE ACTUAL -

 

 **Loverboy1:** TIME TO DRINK SOME BLEACH

 

 **Hansol:** lmaoooo

 

 **Kkaebsong:** damnnnnnn yuta

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** NO BAD BAEKHYUN

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** STOP ENCOURAGING HIM

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** THE MINION WAS THE CLOSEST I’D GOT TO WINWIN

 

 **DongSiCheng:** w t f  we legit had a fOURSOME AND YOU ARE STILL FUCKING A BLOODY MINION

 

 **Renjun:** lmaooooo K BYE I AM LEAVING YOU BEHIND I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH

 

 **Jaemin:** WTF

 

 **Jeno:** i have no words

 

 **Haechan:** this is worse than norenmin

 

 **Renjun:** lee donghyuck :)

 

 **Haechan:** I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU BITCH

 

 **Loverboy1:** *Jeffrey screams in the distance*

 

 **PervNo2:** this family is a mess

 

 **PervNo2:** but i like it ;)

 

 **Jaehyun:** why am i screaming in the distance

 

 **Jaehyun:** OH WAIT

 

 **Jaehyun:** AHHHHHHHH

 

 **Junguwu:** he really is screaming now

 

 **Loverboy1:** NOT YOU DUMBASS

 

 **BaoZi:** TIME TO STOP

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** I HAVEN’T BEEN TO CHURCH IN YEARS BECAUSE THE GAZE OF THE LORD BURNS BUT I FEEL LIKE NOW'S THE TIME TO REVISIT THE WHOLE JESUS IDEA

 

 **#RichLife:** you all need holy water haha

 

 **ididntleavethailandforthis:** i need a one way ticket back to thailand and a restraining order on 23 people

 

 **DongSiCheng:** yuta i’m done with you

 

 **DongSiCheng:** BYE BYE BITCH

 

 **Kkaebsong:** BITCH WHAT ABOUT THE FOURSOMES

 

_DongSiCheng has left SM Fam_

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** NO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

 

 **PervNo2:** aight he’s gone running after winwin

 

 **Haechan:** apado gwaenchanha

 

 **Maknae:** saranghagi ttaemune

 

 **Jaemin:** ijeuryeo doraseo bwado

 

 **Jeno:** gaseumi neol chajaga

 

 **Dolphin:** ureodo gwaenchana geudael sarang hanikka

 

 **Renjun:** apado gidaril nae majimak sarang

 

 **#RichLife:** geudaeraseo

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** I stan the right people

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** :(

 

 **TYTrack:** WHAT DID YOU DO

 

 **OhDaddy:** well

 

 **Jaehyun:** YUTA I WILL FIGHT YOU

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** DOn’T You DarE stEAL mY mAN

 

 **Jaehyun:** WTF HE’S MY BEST FRIEND

 

 **OhDaddy:** do you want to know?

 

 **Haechan:** yes

 

 **ididntleavethailandforthis:** hell yes

 

 **TYTrack:** of course

 

 **Bunny:** i’m concerned so tell me

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** ffs

 

 **Jaehyun:** BITCH STOP

 

 **Loverboy1:** you’ve all been falling apart since I left

 

 **#RichLife:** we were falling apart before that but continue

 

 **Kkaebsong:**  I

 

 **Chanyeol:** ya yuta

 

 **Kuncess:** nakamoto yuta stop bullying winwin

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** I AM NOT BULLYINGHIM I WOULDN EVER

 

 **Jaehyun:** -_-

 

 **Renjun:** stop it hyung

 

 **Renjun:** also chenle i almost forgot to tell u

 

 **Dolphin:** ?

 

 **Renjun:** i hate you

 

 **TYTrack:** RENJUN STOP BULLYING CHENLE

 

 **Kuncess:** agreed

 

 **WongYukhei:** yoooooo mannn this is wild

 

 **Loverboy1:** yuta is lowkey a yandere

 

 **DoKyungsoo:** aren’t we all.

 

_Haechan has renamed DoKyungsoo_

_DoKyungsoo is now Satansoo_

 

 **Satansoo:** ah, yes

 

 **Satansoo:** because jokes from six years ago are so funny, aren’t they, Lee Donghyuck?

 

 **Haechan:** yes

 

 **Satansoo:** you wish for an early death

 

 **Satansoo:** NOW YOU WILL RECEIVE ONE

 

 **Haechan:** asfdghjkl;

 

 **PervNo1:** yeah truthfully satansoo is a bit old

 

 **Haechan:** BITCH

 

 **Betrayed:** and that’s the weirdest couple i’ve ever seen

 

 **Kkaebsong:** you sure about that?

 

 **WongYukhei:** don’t be so judgemental

 

 **Junguwu:** he’s right

 

 **Jaehyun:** NAKAMOTO YUTA I WILL END YOU

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** y i k e s

 

 **TYTrack:** WTF ARE YOU DOING

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** n othi n g

 

 **Jaemin:** omfg

 

 **Junguwu:** that’s definitely not n  othi n g

 

 **WongYukhei:** YUP

 

 **Jaehyun:** BITCH YUTA I WILL SLAP YOU

 

 **Haechan:** i’m going to add winwin hyung back

 

 **Renjun:** good idea

 

_Haechan has added DongSiCheng to SM Fam_

 

 **DongSiCheng:** …

 

 **Haechan:** HE’S ABUSING ME AGAIN

 

 **DongSiCheng:**????????????????

 

 **TYTrack:** WINWIN YOU KNOW HOW HE FEELS ABOUT THE DOTS DAMMIT

 

 **TYTrack:** HE IS F R A G I L E

 

 **Haechan:** oh hell no I ain’t no maknae

 

 **Maknae:** are you begging to be punched

 

 **Satansoo:** yes learn young one

 

 **Kkaebsong:** STOP ENCOURAGING HIM MY GOD

 

 **Satansoo:** fight me you lanky piece of shit

 

 **Satansoo:** you dare disrespect the dark lord

 

 **Mother:** I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER PENTAGRAM SO Y’ALL BETTER STOP

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** wrong son fucker

 

 **Satansoo:** yeah no jongdae is the one with the weird voodoo my god

 

 **Mother:** there’s too many of you give me a break

 

 **TYTrack:** I DON’T EVEN KNOW ALL MY SONS YET AND YOU THINK YOU HAVE TOO MANY

 

 **Mother:** I AM OLD, FRAGILE AND HAVE BEEN DEALING WITH ELEVEN GROWN ASS MEN WEARING EYELINER FOR WAY TOO LONG

 

 **Kkaebsong:** o w

 

 **Mother:** ESPECIALLY YOU BAEKHYUN

 

 **Mother:** I WISH MY EYELINER HAD BIG ENOUGH WINGS SO I COULD JUST FLY AWAY FROM ALL MY PROBLEMS BUT NO

 

 **NotMyStyle:** and you wonder why I left

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** winwinie  <3

 

 **DongSiCheng:** GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU RAT

 

 **TYTrack:** DONG SICHENG LANGUAGE

 

 **Loverboy1:** aw sicheng ge

 

 **DongSiCheng:** Ding Zeren I will murder you :)

 

 **DongSiCheng:** AND NAKAMOTO YUTA YOU’LL BE WISHING FOR DEATH BY THE TIME I’M DONE WITH YOU

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** aw look at how much he loves me

 

 **Haechan:** i’m starting to think suho isn’t the only delulu one

 

 **Mother:** BITCH

 

 **Mother:** MEAT IS TASTIEST WHEN FRESH

 

 **#RichLife:** STOP IT DONGHYUCK DOESN’T DEsERVE THis

 

 **Haechan:** i agree for once with the seagull

 

 **Mother:** LEE DONGHYUCK I’M COMING FOR YOU

 

 **WongYukhei:** rip haechan

 

 **Haechan:** shut up lucas

 

 **Haechan:** hypocrite

 

 **WongYukhei:** well have fun dying

 

 **Haechan:** TAEYONG HYUNG SAVE ME

 

 **DongSiCheng:** goodbye haechan

 

 **Loverboy1:** f l a s h b a c k

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** nOoOOOooooOO

 

 **Junguwu:** zeren

 

 **Junguwu:** didn’t you say that there were other trainees who know korean?

 

 **Jaemin:** ZEREN HYUNG NO

 

 **Jeno:** NO

 

 **TYTrack:** NO   


**Kkaebsong:** NOOO

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** NO

 

 **Renjun:** NO

 

 **Dolphin:** NO

 

 **Maknae:** NO

 

 **Chanyeol:** NO

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** NO

 

 **BaoZi:** NOO

 

 **PervNo1:** NO

 

 **Kuncess:** NO

 

 **Jaehyun:** nO

 

 **Satansoo:** do it

 

 **Haechan:** yeah do it

 

 **Loverboy1:** maybe some other time

 

 **Renjun:** aw :(

 

 **WongYukhei:** i would to inform everyone that haechan and i are currently running away from suho because of this dumbass

 

 **Haechan:** hush

 

 **Mother:** WHAT AREYOU R LSTA WORSD

 

 **TYTrack:** I UNDERSTAND THAT THEY’RE ANNOYING BUT PLEASE DON’T KILL THEM YET

 

 **Betrayed:** from personal experience i assure you that he isn’t going to kill them yet

 

 **Haechan:** the word ‘yet’ has never sounded so comforting

 

 **Mother:** A SEDRFGHKJL:”

 

 **WongYukhei:** we fight back

 

 **Junguwu:** …

 

 **Junguwu:** my        e y e s

 

 **Junguwu:** some pls help cleanse my eyes

 

 **Bunny:** WHTA AREYOU DOING LUCAS

 

 **Jeno:** T_T

 

 **Bunny:** WONG YUKHEI I SWEAR TO SATAN IF YOU’RE DOING ANYHTING TO MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN

 

 **Jaemin:** …

 

 **Bunny:** OH YOU ARE GETTING IT

 

 **WongYukhei:** wait a moment

 

_WongYukhei has renamed Jaemin_

_Jaemin is now Nana_

 

 **Nana:** die

 

 **Nana:** DIE

 

 **Dolphin:** JAEMIN HYUNG CALM DOWN

 

 **Jeno:** do something chenle, jisung

 

 **Jeno:** he dies at your aegyo

 

 **Haechan:** this is what happens when you don’t let us give you affection

 

 **Nana:** I

 

 **Nana:** W

 

 **Nana:** A

 

 **Nana:** N

 

 **Nana:** T

 

 **Nana:** L

 

 **Nana:** O

 

 **Nana:** V

 

 **Nana:** E

 

 **Renjun:** stop bitch

 

 **Nana:** HUANG RENJUN

 

 **Nana:** I HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE TO YOU

 

 **Nana:** cOme rIGHT HErE

 

 **TYTrack:** too much caffeine kid

 

 **#RichLife:** c o f f e e   k e e p s m e   a l i v e

 

 **Kuncess:** you poor overworked thing

 

 **Satansoo:** what are you going to do, pat him on the back and tell him everything is okay?

 

 **Renjun:** can someone please ward off the jaemin

 

 **WongYukhei:** hell no bitch

 

 **Haechan:** have fun being smothered with love

 

 **Renjun:** kyungsoo hyung

 

 **Renjun:** i am satan’s child

 

 **Satansoo:** you have my protection

 

 **NakamotoYuta:** WELL JAEMIN HAS MY PROTECTION THE KID JUST WANTS A HUG

 

 **Jeno:** and a kiss

 

 **Jeno:** and asdfhgjmhdgsdfadj;lkhjgfds

 

 **Bunny:** n O

 

 **Bunny:** my innocent Jeno

 

 **DongSiCheng:** shut up you have the same problem as him

 

 **DongSiCheng:** people just want to be left alone sometimes

 

 **DongSiCheng:** i’m sad

 

 **Chanyeol:** why you sad?

 

 **Maknae:** idk nan molla

 

 **Jeno:** useobwa

 

 **Dolphin:** saranghae malhaebwa

 

 **Haechan:** nareul bwa

 

 **Manae:** najochado beorin na

 

 **Dolphin:** neojocha

 

 **Jeno:** ihaehal su eomneun na

 

 **TYTrack:** am i the only one concerned that jaemin and renjun have disappeared

 

 **Betrayed:** yes

 

 **Kuncess:** i’m more concerned about what they will do to each other

 

 **CamelDinosaur:** what’s the worst thing that can happen?

 

 **HealingUnicorn:** dead bodies

 

 **Mother:** NO YIXING THAT WAS TOO DARK

 

 **Jaehyun:** yuta and winwin have disappeared too…

 

 **PervNo1:** and kyungsoo

 

 **TYTrack:** oh no

 

 **Bunny:** oh no

 

 **Kuncess:** oh no

 

 **ididntleavethailandforthis:** oh yes ;)


	11. Chapter 11

 

**Loverboy1:** you know

 

**Loverboy1:** i kinda feel for jaems

 

**Loverboy1:** the boy’s just affectionate

 

**Haechan:** says the person who runs away whenever i try to hug him -_-

 

**Loverboy1:** i ‘ v e    g r o w n

 

**Loverboy1:** spending enough time with zhu zhengting is enough to make anyone give up

 

**TYTrack:** you are rude

 

**TYTrack:** didn’t i teach you to accept affection?

 

**Loverboy1:** mark’s still like how i used to be

 

**Loverboy1:** so no

 

**#RichLife:** r  u d e

 

**WongYukhei:** you’re betraying the 99 line

 

**Kuncess:** doyoung taeyong the kids are still missing

 

**Haechan:** thank you for being concerned about lucas and i

 

**Haechan:** for the record lucas managed to weird his way out of everything

 

**Haechan:** and i think suho’s scarred for life

 

**Loverboy1:** j e f f r e y 

 

**HealingUnicorn:** i stg zeren

 

**PervNo2:** zeren

 

**PervNo2:** why did you leave

 

**PervNo2:** we were all so happy

 

**Loverboy1:** have you seen yourselves

 

**Loverboy1:** I think that answers your question 

 

**PervNo2:** o w

 

**HealingUnicorn:** to be honest you didn’t get much better where you are zeren

 

**Loverboy1:** true

 

**HealingUnicorn:** nct kids at least taeyong doesn’t bust down doors trying to stop the most recent fuck fest

 

**Mother:** what has this show done to my kid

 

**Mother:** hE IS SWEARING 

 

**NotMyStyle:** he is old enough suho

 

**NotMyStyle:** he is also the only son I actually like

 

**KungfuPanda:** ouch

 

**Deer:** thanks kris

 

**HealingUnicorn:** ew

 

**Mother:** stop trying to tell him what to do

 

**Mother:** YOU LEFT ME

 

**Mother:** I have custody of th e kids as well

 

**CamelDinosaur:** can I visit him on the weekends

 

**Mother:** nO

 

**Kkaebsong:** please can we visit him on the weekend

 

**Mother:** n o

 

**Kkaebsong:** I NEED A FATHER IN MY LIFE DAMMIT

 

**Mother:** i hate my kids so much

 

**TYTrack:** ready to admit that I’m the better parent

 

**Kuncess:** that we’re the better  _ parents _

 

**TYTrack:** ah right better parents

 

**Bunny:** ...

 

**NotMyStyle:** okay I can handle you calling suho’s parenting shit because let's face it, it is

 

**NotMyStyle:** BUT MY PARENTING IS BETTER THAN ALL OF YOURS

 

**Hansol:** not to be that guy but you left your kids at SM

 

**Hansol:** you left them in the dungeon

 

**Hansol:** you have a kid who summoned satan

 

**Mother:** thank you

 

**Mother:** someone who understands that summoning shit in peoples rooms is not an okay thing to do

 

**CamelDinosaur:** I have no recollection of this event

 

**Mother:** it happens every single night you ass

 

**Satansoo:** I do not have anything to do with this at all

 

**Haechan:** I lost Lucas

 

**Haechan:** stop your parenting debate and help me find the little shit

 

**Haechan:** he’s going to break literally everything if we don’t find him

 

**Mother:** hopefully his neck is one of those things

 

**Mother:** I mean what, who said that?

 

**TYTrack:** what the fuck man

 

**Mother:** how do you delete messages dammit

 

**HealingUnicorn:** _ qin fen flashbacks _

 

**Haechan:** gUYS PLEASE

 

**Haechan:** we will experience a global apocalypse if we let him out for too long

 

**Haechan:** if he escapes the dungeon we’re doomed

 

**Haechan:** and let’s get real here

 

**Haechan:** no one is going to get in the way of Lucas when he’s doing weird things

 

**Junguwu:** maybe it might be a good idea to listen to him just this once

 

**Junguwu:** I can hear the kid screaming down the hall

 

**Junguwu:** SOMETHING JUST BROKE OH GOD

 

**Kuncess:** it’s too late

 

**Kuncess:** we’re all going to die

 

**#RichLife:** finally

 

**Betrayed:** I hope luhan dies first

 

**Betrayed:** asshole

 

**Deer:**  o o f

 

**KungfuPanda:** thankfully we’re not with you guys rn

 

**Mother:** one day people are going to be telling ghost stories about us

 

**Mother:** AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT LUHAN

 

**Deer:** sorry

 

**Deer:** i gotta go walk my turtle

 

**Deer:** TOODLES   
  


_ Deer has left SM Fam _

 

**Mother:** SCREW HIM

 

**Mother:** YOU KNOW WHAT

 

**Mother:** WE DON’T NEED HIM

 

**Mother:** IN FACT ALL OF YOU WHO LEFT CAN GO AND LEAVE WE DON’T NEED YOU HERE

 

**Hansol:** harsh much

 

**Jaehyun:** let him chill

 

**Jaehyun:** HE SEEMS LIKE A BIG OLD AGGRO PERSON BUT HE’S JUST A BABY

 

**Loverboy1:** kids

 

**Loverboy1:** i’m doing it

 

**Nana:** is this what i think it is

 

**Loveboy1:** i’m sorry

 

**HealingUnicorn:** zErEN nO

 

_ Loverboy1 has added AncientSailorMoon, BobbingBoBo, Loverboy2, ladykiller and stopthediscrimination2k18 to SM Fam _

 

**TYTrack:** DING ZEREN

 

**Kuncess:** you’re the death of me

 

**#RichLife:** YANCHEN

 

**Dolphin:** ZHOU YANCHEN OMG

 

**Jeno:** hi!

 

**stopthediscrimination2k18:** er… hi?

 

**ladykiller:** h - hey

 

**AncientSailorMoon:** DING ZEREN I FUCKING HATE YOu

 

**BobbingBoBo:** was this really necessary

 

**Loverboy1:** yes

 

**Loverboy1:** welcome

 

**Satansoo:** welcome to my lair

 

**Jaehyun:** heya people

 

**Nana:** hiiii

 

**Kuncess:** please don’t get too weirded out by everyone here

 

**TYTrack:** we’re all nice people :)

 

**BobbingBoBo:** … good to know

 

**AncientSailorMoon:** so… who are you all?

 

**Loverboy1:** Welcome

 

**Mother:** we’re the people zeren left

 

**TYTrack:** i’m zeren’s ONLY mother

 

**Kuncess:** The original parents of ding zeren

 

**Junguwu:** hi hi hi 

 

**HealingUnicorn:** please leave

 

**stopthediscrimination2k18:** PD YOU’RE HERE!?!?!?

 

**ladykiller:** wtf

 

**Loverboy2:** this chat…

 

**Hansol:** yeah well

 

**Hansol:** accept it

 

**BobbingBoBo:** i think… i’m gonna go

 

**BobbingBoBo:** TOODLES   
  


_ BobbingBoBo has left SM Fam _

 

**AncientSailorMoon:** this chat is wild

 

**AncientSailorMoon:** but not as wild as jeffrey’s support group

 

**Jaehyun:** MY SUPPORT GROUP???

 

**OhDaddy:** not your support group dumbass

 

**#RichLife:** jeffrey tung

 

**Dolphin:** what’s that like

 

**Maknae:** yeah we wanna know

 

**Nana:** tell us

 

**Jeno:** we’re curious

 

**Loverboy2:** NO QIN FEN

 

**stopthediscrimination2k18:** thanks for everything, but… we’re outta here

 

**ladykiller:** WE’RE NEVER TALKING TO YOU AGAIN ZEREN

 

**stopthediscrimination2k18:** AT LEAST NOT FOR A WHILE

 

**ladykiller:** ANYWAY WE’RE GOING TO PRETEND WE WERE NEVER HERE

 

_ ladykiller has left SM Fam _

_ stopthediscrimination2k18 has left SM Fam _

 

**Loverboy2:** to summarise, jeffrey walked in on… um… something he probably shouldn’t have seen

 

**Loverboy1:** stayed there for 2 hours haha

 

**AncientSailorMoon:** DON’T BRING IT UP

 

**Loverboy2:** rip chengcheng’s mattress

 

**DongSiCheng:** … WHAT   
  


**HealingUnicorn:** jackson and mc jin needed hazmat suits

 

**HealingUnicorn:** these kids are wilding

 

**Satansoo:** OKAY BYE

 

**Kuncess:** NO WINWIN HAS DISAPPEARED AGAIn

 

**TYTrack:** and yuta

 

**TYTrack:** oh god

 

**Mother:** my children baekhyun and chanyeol too

 

**Bunny:** …

 

**Junguwu:** someone please give me some bleach

 

**NotMyStyle:** things are chaotic here too

 

**Jeno:** ummm

 

**PervNo2:** that sound

 

**PervNo1:** is a dead giveaway

 

**OhDaddy:** oh daddy

 

**Loverboy1:** sorry guys

 

**AncientSailorMoon:** DING ZEREN I’M SCARRED FOR LIFE AGAIN

 

**Loverboy2:** HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO US   
  


_ AncientSailorMoon has left SM Fam _

_ Loverboy2 has left SM Fam _

 

**Loverboy1:** haha

 

**Jeno:** …

 

**Nana:** …

 

**CamelDinosaur:** …

 

**BaoZi:** …

 

**Mother:** …

 

**HealingUnicorn:** ding zeren i’m coming to your dorm right now :)

 

**Loverboy1:** s a v e    m e

 

**Nana:** how

 

**Jeno:** yeah

 

**Jeno:** how

 

**Renjun:** oh stfu everyone

 

**HealingUnicorn:** ding zeren unlock the door :)

 

**Betrayed:** calm down hyung

 

**Maknae:** poor zeren

 

**Junguwu:** be respectful child

 

**WongYukhei:** yeah listen to jungwoo

 

_ NakamotoYuta has renamed WongYukhei _

_ WongYukhei is now stfu _

 

_ WongYukhei has renamed NakamotoYuta _

_ NakamotoYuta is now whippedforwinwin _

 

**whippedforwinwin:** true

 

**stfu:** shut up yuta

 

**stfu:** i only love jungwoo

 

**Junguwu:** i love you too  <3

 

**Loverboy1:** SAVE ME

 

**Loverboy1:** PLEASE

 

**whippedforwinwin:** why can’t winwin return my love

 

**Jaehyun:** because you’re an annoying dickhead with no boundaries

 

**DongSicheng:** ^

 

**whippedforwinwin:** </3

 

**Nana:** i always forget winwin hyung has a name

 

_ Nana has renamed DongSiCheng _

_ DongSiCheng is now winwin _

 

**winwin:** shut up jaemin

 

**Nana:** </3

 

**whippedforwinwin:** yeah shut up jaemin

 

**Nana:** <//3

 

**Nana:** i feel betrayed

 

**Nana:** more betrayed than when chengcheng had his vegetables stolen

 

**Dolphin:** you watch that show?

 

**Nana:** for zeren

 

**Loverboy1:** that’s so sweet

 

**Loverboy1:** NOW SOMEONE FUCKING SAVE ME

 

**Nana:** i’d like to if i could

 

**HealingUnicorn:** :)

 

**Mother:** don’t attack the child

 

**Satansoo:** why not

 

**whippedforwinwin:** this is very amusing but someone please help me my winnie poo isn’t responding to me :(

 

**TYTrack:** maybe there’s a reason, yuta…

 

**whippedforwinwin:** winwinie

 

**whippedforwinwin:** i love you

 

**whippedforwinwin:** please come back to me

 

**whippedforwinwin:** i’ve already planned out the next 47 years of our life together, let’s plan more!

 

**Junguwu:** is no one else worried for yuta, the kid is going into withdrawal 

 

**Mother:** explain how you’re the better parent taeyong, i’m listening

 

**TYTrack:** i guess the time and money i spent for him didn’t work

 

**TYTrack:** but then again, it didn’t work for you either suho

 

**TYTrack:** DO MY KIDS FUCKING DRAW PENTAGRAMS???

 

**TYTrack:** NO

 

**Mother:** at least my kids are respectful

 

**TYTrack:** AT LEAST MY KIDS HAVE A FATHER

 

**NotMyStyle:** i still exist it’s just that i choose not to get involved 

 

**Mother:** YOU BITCHASS LEE TAEYONG FIGHT ME

 

**KungfuPanda:** so is no one going to invite luhan back

 

**Mother:** NOW IS NOT THE GODDAMN TIME 

 

**Mother:** A BITCH IS ABOUT TO GET ABSOLUTELY DEMOLISHED

 

**Kuncess:** maybe he’s still walking his turtle?

 

**Betrayed:** he better be

 

**ididntleavethailandforthis:** someone add him back

 

**CamelDinosaur:** everyone take a deep breath and count to ten in your head

 

**CamelDinosaur:** that’s what my therapist told me to do

 

**Satansoo:** and i can totally see how it’s helped you

 

**BaoZi:** totally

 

**Betrayed:** there are definitely visible changes 

 

**CamelDinosaur:** at least i listen to my therapist

 

**PervNo1:** hey, do you think that suho left things for us in his will?

 

**Kkaebsong:** oooh, we’d be rich af if he did 

 

**Chanyeol:** i can’t wait to get money

 

**Mother:** i’ll have you ignorant idiotic assholes know that I DID NOT DIVIDE THINGS EQUALLY SO Y’ALL BETTER BE OBEDIENT

 

**Mother:** BESIDES Y’ALL AIN’T EVEN MY REAL CHILDREN

 

**Mother:** CHANYEOL BAEKHYUN I’M LEAVING YOU TWO THE LEAST

 

**Mother:** AND CHEN DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING SOME OF IT

 

**Chanyeol:** murder and steal

 

**Kkaebsong:** that’s the way we roll now

 

**Chanyeol:** if you throw someone off of an unregistered boat into uncharted waters the murder can’t be traced back to any one legal system so i mean 

 

**TYTrack:** johnny could have been in exo

 

**TYTrack:** thankfully he isn’t

 

**TYTrack:** unfortunately he is in nct

 

**TYTrack:** unfortunately i am in nct

 

**TYTrack:** unfortunately i am alive

 

**TYTrack:** unfortunately we are all alive

 

**Mother:** i could’ve been in shinee

 

**Mother:** i could’ve left exo to suffer

 

**Mother:** y’all know i’m the only reason your career is still afloat

 

**Loverboy1:** unfortunately i have not escaped

 

**Loverboy1:** i left sm, went to yuehua, idol producer, now i’m in nex7

 

**Loverboy1:** I AM THE MIDDLE CHILD WHO HAS ALWAYS BEEN PUSHED AROUND

 

**Loverboy1:** BUT NOT TODAY

 

**Hansol:** do you want a lollipop?

 

**Hansol:** a gold star?

 

**Loverboy1:** yes please

 

**Loverboy1:** but what i truly wish for every christmas is a will to live 

 

**Jeno:** zeren hyung

 

**Jeno:** please be more positive

 

**Loverboy1:** jeno…

 

_ Loverboy1 has renamed Jeno _

_ Jeno is now Catman _

 

_ Loverboy1 has renamed Chanyeol _

_ Chanyeol is now Chogiwa _

 

**Chogiwa:** GOD DAMMIT 

 

**Chogiwa:** THAT WAS YEARS AGO

 

**Chogiwa:** LET ME LIVE

 

**Satansoo:** NEVER

 

**Nana:** now for jaehyun hyung’s new nickname

 

**Nana:** hmmm

 

**Nana:** i just want some milk?

 

**Nana:** someone please help

 

**Nana:** i can’t be a genius all alone

 

**TYTrack:** …

 

**TYTrack:** …

 

**TYTrack:** you didn’t take your pills this morning did you

 

**Nana:** you know it boo 

 

**Mother:** ^ disGustINg

 

**Maknae:** someone please help me

 

**Maknae:** i’ve been on the run for the past couple of hours

 

**Kkaebsong:** ?????

 

**Maknae:** HE ALWAYS TRIES TO HUG AND KISS ME IT’S THE MOST TERRIFYING EXPERIENCE EVER HE TRIES TO DO AEGYO AND IT HAUNTS MY NIGHTMARES

 

**Dolphin:** we thought that it would be okay

 

**Nana:** ZHONG CHENLEI

 

**Dolphin:** ^ we’re both on the run now

 

**Mother:** ^ this is the result of your parenting

 

**Dolphin:** don’t worry we’re used to it now

 

**Dolphin:** it’s been this way for the past three years


End file.
